i'm so sick of it. i'm angry all the time and i dont know why. i hate people. everyone annoys me. i think things about people that i cant even imagine entering my head. i'm never happy....sure i can laugh and make jokes but i havent been satisfied with who i am or what i stand for or how my life is or how i treat people or how i allow people to treat me in over a year.

i want to be happy and i'm not. i want to sit back in a rocking chair and mentally recap my whole life and say that i'm proud of what i've done and i'm content with who i am. right now that is nothing but a mere fantasy.

i hate feeling this way. and to be quite frank, i hate the way you've been acting. something is definitely not jiving correctly and you wont tell me what it is. i need to know whats up and why you've been acting so odd. it isnt just affecting you anymore, it affects us now. for everythingi  say you have a smart ass reply, an unnecesary remark...rudeness honestly. i feel like the closer i try to get to you, the farther you push me away. i dont know how to fix this. i feel so distant from you. and it physically hurts me to miss you. i hate that. i dont want to miss you this way. i dont want to feel so down all the time. i dont want to be excited to see you only tobe dissapointed by your behavior. i ache for you and it wont go away. now things will be harder to sort out too. i dont know what to do. i feel like giving up--and i would too if you didnt mean so damn much to me. life is so unfair.