"COMEEEE ONNN!"

Dear AOL Journals user,

We're sorry to inform you that on Oct. 31, 2008, AOL® Journals will be shut down permanently. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

It is very important that you save your Journals content before the shutdown. We're working on a way to easily move your Journal to another blogging service -- you can expect an email within the next week with more details about how to do it. We want the transition to go as smoothly as possible for you, so you'll have two choices. You can either save your information manually and find another place to blog on your own, or let us handle the migration for you and automatically transfer your Journal to a different blogging service.

In the meantime, please bookmark the People Connection Blog, where you can find out more about AOL Journals. You can also subscribe to the People Connection Blog RSS feed to stay informed about any changes. We'll be updating the People Connection Blog often, so please check it regularly.

Thank you for your patience and understanding as we make this transition. We look forward to getting your blog settled into its new home.

Sincerely,

The AOL Journals Team





THANKS A FREAKIN LOT. i'm not happy. there is no reason to get rid of this. if i lose my entire journal....ohhh lawdyyyy. i guess i gotta figure out how to switch somewhere else...i dont want to, i like this one. 3? 4? something like that--years--ugh.

i havent talked to you in a month.....i couldn't be happier about it. no more poison.

just air. and i'm gasping for it, because i let you suffocate me. but now he and i breathe together.

i will possess your heart.

it's already been over a week since we got back. holy bejeezus.

haha minus the initial awkwardness, opening the door and seeing you standing there was like maaaagiccccccc. i missed you so much i was dying. knowing you are 5 minutes away is a phenomenal feeling. even when i'm really irritated with you, it doesnt matter because at least i can be mad at you to your face and when i get unmad we can hug and its ok. i just wish there was more.....i dont know the word/phrase i want to use, i just wish i knew what was really going on. because i dont see why we're playing this silly little game, or tiptoeing around what we are. stupid. its stupid and i hate it but i cant say anything much about it.

it was an insane week. it was just like a hurricane, first day stressing, then the lovely infection, then trying not to die from the pain, and doing homework and switching classes and natalie and bryan coming and lots of stuff. the weekend was really amazing, you guys always make everything so funn i love it!

i need to go to the gym oh my god. i've only run twice, and havent been to the gym at all and i feel grossssssssss. and made cupcakes and cookies. but they were so yummmyyyyy.

i kind of hate that i cant sing in the shower here. well--i could. but that would be embarrassing since everyone in savannah could hear me.



it keeps popping up in my mind, its stupid not to listen to the music i like but some of it makes me think about you and i dont like that. being back here where we spent so much time is weird. i keep thinking about you and what happened and why it happened and why we havent spoken. what you think, what you feel about it, if you care, if you're ok, if you're still struggling, how you are....why it didnt seem to bother you that we broke up. i dunno. i just cant wrap my mind around it. i want to call sometimes just so i can say weve spoken becuase it feels so weird. and it was weird seeing you twice while i was home even though you never saw me. it stung.

i hate unfinished edges. i want to stitch this up.

il bel far niente

i need to learn to do this, to enjoy my last week or so alone in the quiet and relaxing.

but all i want at this moment is to see your face and feel your arms as they hug me. because it has been far too long since i have felt them. and i need them now more than i ever have.

i don't like the creeping melancholy that looms. it twists its curling, heavy braids around me--i feel foggy and slow. and wet, deep under my skin, as if the water is collecting, just waiting to seep out.