indie chillout

i wish i had money so i could buy the indie chillout mix on itunes because i really love it and its what i've been in the mood for for a long time, over a month ironically. it will be sad when i am poor again but i'll have good music so i guess it will be ok.

badly drawn boy
AIR
the postal service
deathcab for cutie
regina spektor
cat power
massive attack
imogen heap
nick drake
the shins
belle and sebastian
beck
sufjan stevens
snow patrol
keane
portishead
elbow
kings of convenience
zero 7
the perishers
brightblack morning light


...just to name a few bands i like from the list.

hey baby hey baby heyyyyyy

GET OUT OF MY HEAD GWEN STEFANI! i have an important paper to write and your chanting about horse food and infants is not helping. jeeeeez.

i'll post my paper once i finish it for anyone who has less of a life than me who'd like to read it.

there's nothing like you and i.

Tonight I’m going out
To find someone I can’t stand
to live without
I’m going out

We’ll be as happy as can be
I’ll love [him] endlessly
This time it’ll be for real
We’ll have what
we could never have
Do what we could never do
I just wish [he] could be you

-----------------------> going out.


i really like the perishers right now, i've listened to the album let there be morning about 4 times since yesterday, it's really low key, i like the lead's voice. check them out on itunes. or wherever.

i could have sworn it was all a dream and it didn't happen to me. oh wait. whoops. it didn't.

i guess it's a good thing. it makes it easier. i'll get over it faster. i've never had a clean break. no guessing. no wondering. no playful banter. nothing. and thats good.

but i can't believe it's been a month and i haven't heard a single freaking word from you.

i don't know what to do with that really. and i guess truthfully it doesnt matter. but we both thought this was the end. we both thought it was something incredible, until it wasn't anymore. and i just can't believe someone who said the things you said to me, who looked at me the way you did, could just....let me go without a single word of protest. nothing. you didn't say no. and you didn't try to fix it, or try to work with me. you just let me leave. and now i know that at least i did the right thing, because if losing me didn't faze you...then why should i be upset that you're gone?

it just makes me sad. i'm ok. and i know you aren't who i thought, and that's ok. it really is, it's just i was really hoping you were. and i got let down, and it's no one's fault. and i know it wouldn't work and i dont really want to try, but sometimes if i stop moving so fast and let it sink in for a second, sometimes i miss you and wish things had been different.

but then again....they aren't. and that's probably the best thing that could have happened.

"i'm not a miracle and you're not a saint, i'm just another soldier on a road to nowhere."

--------------------> damien rice, amie

cancel my subscription--i'm tired of your issues.

so after what, 3? 4? years, gavin degraw finally came out with a new album? alriiightttt.
i've been ready for that for a while. i remember going on tour one year after his first one came out and being really upset i couldnt listen to it everyday like i was used to. hopefully this sophomore effort lives up to my expectations.

definitely ready to go home for summer so i can:

A. go to disney world, because that's what i plan on doing first. hasta la vista scad.

B. go to the doctor to figure out what the heck is wrong with me, only to [most likely] learn they have no idea.

C. find a crappy job so i can have good money.

D. spend the summer weekends with natalie because she will be hoommmeee! yeeeeeahhhhh!

bah i hate school so flippin much. i think next year i'll stay for summer term so i get maybe graduate on time. ha.

in class...about to register for fall classes. loooveeelllyy.

peace.

icing figghhtttttt

i'm almost excited to go to church again. whenever the next time i actually can is. which is weird and ironic. because i can go and not give a crap who is there, who going to try to stab me in the eyes with their stupid unattractive death stares, who is going to be nice one second and an ass the second any other human being walks by...i dont care. i'm sick of caring. i'm done. its so hard for me, because i'm just used to caring, because i used to have friends there...but it isnt about that. thats not what should make me want or not want to go. its as stupid as going to a certain store because some hot guy works there. and they never have what you need. you go because you need food. and i need food.

23 days and 15 hours. yeeeeeyaaahhhhh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-W52tCPkoM&fmt=18

haaaaa thats funny.

i certainly have been made aware of a few people who fit this description. or they're psychic. haa yeah right.

time to run/wash the gross car.

ready to see you.

P.S.

i had no idea it was may. good lord. what is happening to me. happy what ould have been 4 months. sweeeeeet.

i cant sleep. and i seriously need a freakin puppy already. damn.

ugh. tomorrow will be the first time i've been to jacksonville since....yeah. 3 weeks. i dont want to go home. which is weird because i always want to go home. but not now. its like--if i can just stay away, if i can avoid being there, it makes ignoring the fact that we arent together so easy. and i'm good at it. and i dont want to be anywhere close to thinking about it. i dont want to go to a place where everything reminds me of it. i have that bad enough here.

i dont have to be upset or sad or disappointed about it if i never go back.

oh well--guess i'm screwed.

i;m really not a fan of this whole  migraine, constant and unyielding upset stomach, nausea, lack of appetite. it blows. and i need to be able to eat and keep food down, i want to run every day and i cant run if i have no energy and i have no energy because i cant think about food without feeling sick. i really like running, i always have, but now i;m into it--i can run longer, i can feel myself just improving. and it feels so good. i just dont understand why there is ALWAYS something wrong with me. always. headaches, stomach, knee....always something. or being sick. i seriously dont know if God gave me immunity. i'm starting to doubt it. i would love to wake up and go for a run and not feel anything but good the rest of the day. but that isnt happening. i guess its doctor time. crap. i friggin hate the doctor.

i need a job, if anyone knows of one...thatd be cool. i need something to keep me busy for 4 freakin months. dear lord. 26 days and 56 minutes until D Day.

then only 2 more years. lovveeeeellyyyyyy.

i guess now i dont have to worry about saving money for any trips. i guess thats a plus. no it isnt what the hell am i talking about that sucks.

i want to take all my sleeping pills so i can sleep for once. but they dont really work so great, and i'd probably die which could be bad if i took them all. so i guess i'll lay here wide awake and stare into the darkness, dying of heat, eyes burning from tiredness...thinking. always thinking. i wish i was dumb sometimes.

i just want to skip summer and move to next year so i can get the hell out of school faster. jesus.