he's snarkastic

i hate my phone. i also hate that the one i was going to purchase mysteriously went up from $30 to $50 in like a week or two. not cool my friends, noottttttttt.

i'm feeling a little guilty. it was a werid few weeks and i didnt want to talk to anyone because, well i just didnt for one, and i didnt want to let my weird mood influence my words, because it would just hurt people's feelings, but i feel like i havent been the best friend lately.

43 days until school. 6 weeks! i'm ready.

i'm glad you're on the home stretch, one more show left, a few days of camp--you're almost there. and it sucked and it isnt over yet but you've done really well and i'm really proud of you.

i really need to figure out how to run without wanting to die, i either cant breathe or my legs hurt [increasingly less, pretty much not at all anymore with therapy], or my shoulders cramp up...i just cant get a rhythm and it makes it really hard to stay motivated. i cnt get my mind off how far i've gone or how far i have left, i need to find something to focus on.

breathe, just breathe, oh breathe, just breathe

i know i should expect it, i know its what a decent person who cares about you does, but it still amazes me sometimes that i can literally tell you anything, even when its about..someone else. and its ok for me to try and talk about it and work it out with you listening. and you want me to work it out with you, you want to help. even when you're so stressed and exhausted you've made yourself sick. you want to help me.

143.

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i really want to talk to someone. but i dont feel like i can. and the couple people i feel like i could talk to, i dont want to because i feel like they're sick-a-me. i just want to yell and scream and let it oooooouuuuuttttttttttttttt.

i'm on the verge. of kicking some ass.

giving new meaning to trivial...

trivia quizzes on visually identifying certain cereals, pasta names based on their shapes, and validating the true logo of famous brands....i can hold my own under pressha! but who gives a damn, i am not a valid human being because i can tell the difference between a piece of cocoa pebbles and cocoa krispies...although to the kiddies that might be some superhero power or something. myabe i should flaunt that more often.

i miss you, superhero.

i was an island and you passed me by, i was an island to discover.

i just want to smack you. after all of this, all this time, all that has happened and NOW you get it together. and NOW you decide what you want, and NOW is when i could have what i wanted from you for a long time. NOW that i cant give it to you, NOW that you cant do anything about it. NOW that i dont think i want it anymore.


i'm so mad that you were such an idiot.  but its over, and you're the one who gets to move on this time.

i do this too.

courtesy of this week's sunday secrets from postsecret.com:

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there's a reason you have been a wash up for 10 years.

kathy lee gifford is the most annoying person on tv. i cant stand her. she thinks she so damn clever, so very cute and witty, so likeable. all she is is OBNOXIOUS. and her wit isnt endearing or even vaguely successful. she's mean. she's insecure because she knows she succccckkkkksss, so she is a bitch, very stealthily and subtely, to everyone on that show--particularly to hoda. and hoda is sweet and nice and genuine.

kathy.....

get the hell out. no one likes you.

Guys and Dolls. and a sexy purple pin-striped suit.

claire danes and hugh dancy.

did i make this couple up? i swear they were together--but i can't find literature to support that claim. if anyone has an insight feel free to share.

http://www.packetonline.com/articles/2008/07/08/time_off/theater_reviews/doc4872849a46118896041735.txt

definitely go here to read the awesome review for Guys and Dolls at the Bucks County Playhouse. i'm not kidding. do it.

9 days til the Dark Knight, and Mamma Mia. good times everyone, good times.

i love you, i do.

i'm ready to go to michaels...maybe redi arts. i need canvas, i need pastel paper, and i suddenly need to do.  

66 days until we're back in the same city. so ready. and so ready for a little SBT practice.

anywhere else you could possibly go after new york would be a pleasure cruise.

i just got home. from new york. it was fun, but at the moment i really am not in the mood to talk about that.

it was a bad day. more frustrating than anything else, but now i'm just in that mood...discontent was pretty close...but its just "the feeling".  the i hate everything thats happening-remembering everything bad-dwelling on anything irritating-i cant help but cry a little-i just want to run into the middle of a big, empty field and scream and be alone with my thoughts and away from everyone i know and everything there is--type feeling. and i dont know if its something everyone feels, but i feel it increasingly.  i just need to be alone for a while now. just with me. i dont want anyone else for a while. [i want to hear his voice, and would like him around truthfully, but seeing as this is impossible, there is no one else i want at the present time. no one hears me or can make me feel calmer, more sane, or safer than he.]

i was thinking, in the midst of our 2 hour cab ride from hell--seriously, what kind of cab driver can't find the airport, WHAT THE F..i digress--but as we were leaving i was thinking very deep thoughts, delving deep inside myself as i find i often do, most especially in cases where i want to be alone but can't be, and desperately wishing there was a table i could write at or type on. i wanted to let it out, and let it out strong. i just get these urges to write that are so incredibly intense and yearnful that i can't even seem to sit still. it is then that this deep thinking usually begins.

i dont remember most of my delving thoughts, but they were centralized around something resembling: i am too impatient to live in new york city. the more i thought about that idea the more ridiculous it started to sound--too impatient? for new york? ha. like there is such a thing. it's like it's own little world, specially designated for the world's impatients. but then again--the crowds? the traffic? its insane. totally and utterly insaaaaaannnnneeeeeeeeeeeee! and the more impatient you get, the less it seems like you have any control over changing your circumstances. at least here i can be impatient and do something about it. i'm not struggling to walk down the sidewalk without ramming into someone, not crunched in traffic swerving in vain like a mad woman. my train of thought ends here.

i do remember being fascinated by the subway--and only in the sense that i would love to ride it all day long, with a notebook and a pen, and just write about the people. i can't help but observe, people are just fascinating, sometimes frightening, weird, smelly, beautiful...fascinating. i wonder who they are, where they're going, what they go home to, where they buy their clothes, if they have their favorite cafe, boutique, news stand, bench or boulder in central park....what they think of everyone else around them. i was thinking so many thoughts on the subway today. this little man, mid-late 50s, 5'9 or so, very thin...he was eating an orange. and he just fascinated me. i tried not to look at him too much but it was hard not to, i just tried to figure out his whole life. he had on very worn clothes, like he hadn't been able to afford the shop for news ones in maybe 10 years at least, but looked fine enough. bookish, maybe a computer technician or a clerk of some sort. he had big outdated glasses and very dusty, light colored hair that was fading--and a mustache. [i thought it was moustache, but spell check is telling me otherwise--i like it better spelled incorrectly] he was just so unassuming, eating his orange sections, holding the tiny scraps left over in his lap, and i just wanted to hug him. he just seemed like he needed a hug. i felt terrible that i didn't say hello to him once i had gotten off.

i'm just too scared to say hello to most people--and they are usually the ones i want to reach out to the most, or perhaps need a little love the most.

i always feel like a terrible person if i dont give a homeless person money--in truth i think i've only done this maybe twice ever--but honestly 90% of the time i haven't, it was because i had no cash, i never carry it. the other times i'm usually just frightened. in my head i tell myself it's because i'm a young girl and usually it's a man who is asking, and i dont feel safe--this is never untrue--it just isnt the whole reason.  i just havent figured out quite yet what the other part is.

i have physical therapy in the morning--i always forget this until right before bed, and then get irritated that i have to wake up so damn early, this occasion is no different.  i hate it. i want to quit going---it in a word, sucks.