...and the bride wore white

i really wasn't looking forward to tonight; sex is sex and they teach the same stuff and i was tired of hearing about it. i know God willed me to go tonight for a purpose.  i had an "epiphany" if you will. i mean i always knew this stuff deep down, i jut never really gave it much though, or rather cared enough to sit down and do something about it. just bc you aren't "penetrated" doesnt mean the things you do arent sexual. oral, anal, and vaginal sex are ALL STILL SEX. if you ever for one second question where you should draw the line physically, think about which things you're unsure about doing. its simple: if you aren't sure, you are not ready and even if you think you are you shouldnt be doing it. i'm more sure now about the things i will and will not do with any guy in any situation before i'm married. this is me, i feel extremely vulnerable and insecure going past making out with any guy and i'm not willing to put myself in that situation or frame of mind just to please someone else. i am better than that and have more self respect than that. i know everyone beats in into our heads that sex is special and its only fullly experienced in marriage when you fully understand what it means and can be free from the consequences of it. i cannot seriously and honestly see myself marrying any man who is not in love with the Lord. there would be a gigantic void in our relationship. i need someone who will comfort me not only from a normal husband-like stanpoint, but spiritually nurture me too. just my thoughts tonight. love yourself, try to forgive others as i am struggling with right now, take responsibility for your actions, love God, be the beautiful person God made you and meet me back here, same time, same place.

how WERE we ever friends?

I dont think i have ever beens friends with anyone the way i was with you, we were so close, so in tune if you will. now the very sight of you makes me nauseated. how do you LIVE with yourself? you make yourself sound so superior to everyone else, your so conceited and love to tell people how hypocrtical society is. you brag about how great your family is, which they are they have nothing to do with the twisted person you are. you put everyone else down while placing yourself so high...i'm here to tell you that you are lower than puss, you are scum and you honestly dont deserve the goodenss you've got right now. what person claims to love someone and then goes off and completely dejects all of that persons emotions and feelings...squashing their hopes like a little bug, tell me HOW can you feel your so much better than others when you do such horrible things? i really want to know...from best of friends to feeling sick at the prescence....you've dissapointed me beyond words and i wish i didnt have to know you anymore

corn now has a whole new meaning

i just saw secret window....thats such a cool movie. not scary but keeps you on the edge of your seat....makes you think.....has a perfect ending....very good, highly reccomended.  johnny depp is a great actor....no not only because hes hot, but he plays such diverse and interesting intense characters. he went from crazy half drunk pirate to serious troubled writer...very believable to me.  alos the butler from mr deeds and the bar ownder from coyote ugly are in the movie....i'm so bad about recognizing people.....its a habit i guess i get from pops...we are definitely swimming in the same gene pool....we have esp practically

beware of the lepors....

YOU ARE A BASTARD. ok yes, just incase you think i am COMPLETELY and UTTERLY IGNORANT....i know there are red marks on my fucking face, i KNOW OK???  you dont have to bring it up every SINGLE time you see me and make some stupid smart ass comment about it...if we were actually even friends anymore i might not be so pissed...that and the fact that every person brings it up EVERY time i see ANYONE! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i HATE it with a passion. i know i look like i rubbed my skin off...but no i didnt, you know i got sunbruned, everyone does so stop making a HUGE deal out of it and get the hell over and find something else to piss and moan about ok? especially...RIGHT in front of my face.....how freaking rude can you possibly be? how inconsiderate? it wouldnt be as big a deal if i hadnt heard it so many times, the next person who mentions my face is serisouly going to be sorry--i cant handle it anymore..i dont have leprosy...i didnt take a pumice stone and go to work on my face......its a SUNBURN so stop treating me like i have a disease and treat me normally........i hate you, you are truly a BASTARD

Matthew is perfect

so i've been watching the special edition marathon of the bachelorette all day, and meredith finally got to the final two: matthew and ian. she picked ian. :( matthew is amazing--so genuine and beautiful and strong....like the epitomy of the perfect husband...and she LET HIM GO! i wanted to cry...i choked up there for a second...but she didnt love him and he shouldnt ultimayly be with her. he is my perfectidea of a husband.

so i really am waiting for mr right to get some balls and just...talk to me...really talk to me. get to know me, i want to get to know him, he seems wonderful...i'm tired of waiting. all i want is for him to call me or come up to me and say hey...and start an amazing conversation. thats it.     why does it have to be so comlicated?

never peel a sunburn

first off, this is a wonderous song, it is great and i forgot how much i love it. reccomended. second...really, no matter how gross you look, dont peel a sunburn, especially on your forehead...it hurts like c-r-azy and now my forehead is RAW in spots and splotchy red...ouch. it was better all one color and looking like a raccoon. not reccomended.

Favorites of the Week:

Song: Night and Day-The Temptations

Perfume: Abercrombie 8

Necesity: Aloe Vera Gel

Beauty Product: Chapstick/mascara (winners most weeks)

Time passer: reading...I have become a bookworm this past month or so...read three books about 400 pages each and starting a new one today actually

Author: Jennifer Crusie...she is hilarious! but they're girl books so i wouldnt reccomend them for a guy...and a bit racy or risque you could say

Book: although Crusie is the numero uno author...Francine Rivers' Redeeming Love was wonderous, a beautiful, christian novel based on the Book of Hosea in the Holy Bible

Color: considering i have two orange bathing suits, an orange sarong, orange sunglasses, a few orange hats/visors, and backpack...i'd say its this week's...and years winner

Food: cottage cheese...its healthy and good

until we meet again, let God hold you in the palm of his hand

kristina marie*

Pina Coladas, Mango tangos, and Coco Locos...

So, my carribean getaway was all in all nice...there were some low points. one major one being i cant furrow my brow or touch my face at all, bend over or move my stomach, or cratch, shave, or touch my thighs/shins...thats what 4 to 6 hours in the sun unportected in some areas can do to you: MASSIVE SUN BURN although..the bahamas were quite beautiful...duh, what tropical island isnt? i am alos displeased to announce we never went to Coco Cay due to severe weather...aka too rough to dock safely. thats why i got sunbruned...because i layed out all day...in the cloudy windy weather...because i couldnt go to a private island to parasail and jet ski like i had planned. oh well...the high would most certainly be the wonderful fruity drinks.....different everyday. day one: the Pina Colada...ahh sweet...very sweet infact...bliss, pineapple and cocnut blended into frozen white perfecton, topped with a festive pineapple slice, cherry, and umbrella. day two: Mango Tango..SIMILAR, not the same, as the Pina Colada...well ok is IS Pina Colada but with a mango frozen drink on top...they mix wonderfully...very tasty. and finally ay three: Coco Loco...this is yet again Pina Colada inspired, but with the added bonus of Grenadine and oragne juice and something else i dont remember...they are all very good . they get *****

rating on the Yum-O-Meter...very good. ok so now i have to go face my tird degree burns and think about...i cant say it...S...SCH....SCHOOL! ahhhh tomorrow. i might no survive...prayers please and thankyou..i love you all

kristina marie* (the red beast)

POOP and BOOGERS

hmmm...so incase you were wondering what exaclty you do at a "girls only bible study" i'll help you out:

1. talk about guys

2. EAT...no..you dont eat, you consume mass amounts of brownies, cookies,and fruit,and chips...

3. laugh...roll on the floor...its like stand up comedy or something

4. discuss poop and farting...EVERYTHING about it actually...gorss i know but hey...EVERYONE does it...

5. read verses pertaining to said chapter

6. read verses mentioned in said chapter, relating in no way to said topic of said chapter

7. be yourself

it really is a great way to unwind after the two most stressful days of the week; i really encourage anyone...who is female...to join me sometime...every tuesday night. its a B*L*A*S*T

so anyways...even though life is not a hell hole--though quite similar--i am trying to see the good in things. as myles puts it:seethings ismpler. i see a tree, i think 'hey, it would be nice to just sit under that tree.' enough said.  the cruise this weekend will help calm me down, i need a break..it would only be perfect though if HE was going ot be there...ahh. Redeeming Love is an amazing book about a man who follows God's commands and marries a prostitute and saves her form her immoral and dangerous lifestyle. It basicaly is about their individual growth and their experiences..it is AMAZING. if you're a girl i highly reccomend it. i mean i'd reccomend it to anyone, just i doubt guys would be into it. that all for now, i love you

BIKINIS ARE AWESOME wink wink

true beauty is accomplished by pure joy

tara hess...i LOVE you.  he...likes...ME...whoa.  i can barely fathom it.  ernie likes me.  SOMEONE likes me. someone I LIKE--likes me back.  i am in a surreal place...but if i could stay here forever i would be happy.  man, all i want is that time on wednesday...i have to have it.  we need to get to know each other better...but man...he is so...i cant describe it, so...adorable maybe? that doesnt do him justice...but just know he is wonderous and i cant wait until i can see him again.  he has made me happy...HAPPY...for the first time in weeks...he doesnt even know it.  that is what is so beautiful.

part two

i am at a loss....it infuriates me to the core. not even just the beer bong, if oyu drink, you made a dumbass choice, i cant stop you....but just everything....everything i've gotten loaded with this weekend.....WHY ME? if anyone says the word bitch, why am i the first name they ask about? why is it that people HATE me because i try to be a good person and avoid things that will hurt me or the people i love and who i thought loved me...explain to me please..comments are requested this time---i want ANSWERS

 

i mean is there something WRONG with me that people feel this way about me? i am no saint nor am i anywhere frightfully close...but i considered myself a good person who people for the most part enjoyed being around...i mean i have my moments..heaven knows, but i HATE WITH ALL MY PASSION that people think i am the bitch...who wants that title? and who is so cold, so heartless as to judge...

March: PMS month

ok...so i dnt know what the hell is everyone fucking problem....but it is most definitely "lets be as self absorbed, rude, unkind, and completely inhumane as possible" month or soething. i swear everyone has a boot...no excuse me...a CRANE up their ass abpout something and i am fucking tired of it. maybe i just attract that kind of vibe....i mean i wouldnt think so--do i send out the"i want to hear oyu bitch about your problems as if i dont have my own, when you dont even want someone to listen or help you just want to take it out on me"......yeah i didnt think i portrayed that aura either. let's see...i'll give you a few examples from the "i'm a bastard" files...(these are all direct quotes)

1. apparently..i am "pathetic" because i think i look better with a tan than i do when i am without.....so basically kristina is a shallow bitch who only cares about outward appearances...this comming from a bastard who is never happy..or never ACTS happy and cant find one freaking positive thing to say about anything...EVER, all you do is bitch and whine and tell me how terrible everything is...like how "cruises arent that great and there arent any guys and only disney cruises are good andhow i will be very dissapointed." i'm sorry...did i ask for youre opinion? NO, infact i told you to shut up because i was tired of the shit all the time and yet you continued and now we are not talking...FUN   2. johnny tsunami random guy IMs me and is either completely ignorant or is some 7 year old thinking hes cool on his brothers sn...anywho IMs me and is like my name sean ryan, so i'm like ok, i dont know you...hes like "im boy" right...i figured.  so as i go on my qest to find the identity of "sean ryan...AKA BOY" he asks..got boyfriends...i am assuming he wanted to know if i had one so i'm like is that a question and the lovely response is...ask you...the school system has failed you my dear child  3. ok..as we all SHOULD know..i am apprently what they call a prude or goody two shoes...drking is illegal and unhealthy, drugs are too plus they mess with youre head and turn you into a raving dependant retard, sex is not made for a relationship outside marriage...ok so fucking sue me that i dont agree or participate in aything like that--nor do i hang out or even enjoy being around those who do...so why THE HELL would someone tell me about a beer bong...?

hay algo que me aleja tu amor de repente tu cambiaste

sorry for the sparse journals--its been hectic

ok so above are some fun pictures from my birthday adn random stuff...just look...heres an "index" if you will of what each is

1. me in the dog bed opening presents 2. natalie and i preparing to kiss...well i dont know...invisible men 3. me on my sweet sixteen about to devour my cake 4. the band at practice..we are hot 5. the singers..me, ash, and nat at band practice goofing off 6. me, mel and nat on mis cumpleanos 7. austin and nate being...LUMC guys...making me laugh since this was the hectic part of my birthday 8. stephen and nate making me smile after my sob session when i lost my liscence 9. nathan...being nathan, posing very sexy like on my car 10. me..."immitating" nathan..i was first 11. me driving, i such a big girl! 12. my locker at school--so pretty thanks kel 13. me and mel on the BIG DAY 14. me and tara arriving at school after our celebratory bagel breakfast 15. a pretty boat scene in venezuela 16. el avila (es un cascada muy bonita) en venezuela 17. diego "i want to marry you" luna 18. more la luna...es MUY guapo y  un bailo perfecto 19. you suck romola...i want to be you in luna's grasp 20. yes, i envy you here too...it will be me someday haha, dirty dancing havana nigts is quite excellent, as is the soundtrack so i strongly recomend both

until we meet again wen the planets align....i love you

kristina marie*

la luna es muy bonite a las media noche

ok so being that in most ways i am in fact very girlie...despite my ripped jeans-white tank top-gator hat exterior....i posess some inate female qualities..like being obsessed with...oh say--diego luna at the present time. oh lordy in heaven above he is absolutely....divine. i am definitely going to see that movie again soon. i am not usually a theater movie repeater...but in special instances i wil infact be lead more than once--this is one of those times. which i know sounds weird since as most of you know i am a movie fanatic and own almost 300...i like to buy them later and watch them at home instead...anyways. wheeeew. i think once i get out of high school...that summer i am going to go to cuba, or even some other latin country on the ocean, and i am going to have a spectacularly amazing time. that is unless a certain someone who shall for his own safety remain nameless...ever gets the nerve to say more than hi to me, or vice versa. he too, my mystery man, is also quite attractive and...well i wont gush..i dont know him that well but what i do know i like a lot. ok well for now i am off to take all the Zicam i can get, use infinite amounts of tissue, and cough my--quite literally--bloody head off, until i recover...

kristina marie--the sexy man sounding cougher from hell...if you werent at practice tonight, dont ask