oh yes

i had an amazing day--excuse me, evening.  you know why.  so i opened internet explorer up and suddenly it opened to sacred space, an online prayer/devotional type site in my favorites list.  i have no idea why it happened, but i couldnt ignore this blatant sign that i needed to take a few minutes for -JAKT-  (Jesus and Kristina Time) and it really wa snice, i dont usually make time in my day for that and it's made my great day better.  we always ask the Lord for things we want, and rarely take time to thank Him for the miracles He performs in our lives daily, i've done that today and i cant tell you how....spiritually cleansed i feel, taking a few minutes of my day to just talk with God about my life and whats going on.....you need to have a chat with Him every oncein a while, but that should an often kind of once in a while too. i really want to encourage you guys to take a few minutes, this really takes ten minutes tops, and just have some one on one time to reflect, it might sound dumb to those who arent close to God or just have been preoccupied lately as i was, but realy i feel renewed.  http://www.jesuit.ie/prayer/  visit this link.  you'll be glad you did.

 

i love you.

you dont remember me but i, remember you

sorry i havent posted anything real in a while, i've been into this story....but since i'm having trouble right now--i figure its my golden opportunity to write something real.  i'm in a bad mood.  i hate bad moods....they're so draining.  ok so yeah--this is about it, i'm tired of writing already--not good. i need to finish the story..i'm out of stuff

story pieces: new chapter 4

4          As Aiden tried to calm himself, his thoughts returned to Ava.  He remembered the joy he felt when he opened the front door the night he met her, and saw her standing there with more daisies in hand, smiling beautifully.  They had talked and laughed for hours, and it was nearly 1 a.m. before she had gone home.  Smiling, he thought of their first kiss, only three short weeks after that day by the lake.  She was just about to leave his house after another long evening and her hand was already on the doorknob when Aiden uncontrollably grabbed her shoulder and whipped her around.  “Wait,” Aiden whispered to her, “don’t go yet.”

            “Aiden, it’s almost two in the morning, I think it’s time I left,” she said chuckling to herself.  Aiden reached up to stroke her face; her skin felt like silk underneath his fingertips.  She looked startled, but only for a fraction of a second, and then she smiled, and leaned close to him.  As she closed her eyes, he couldn’t help but think about how truly beautiful she was, both on the inside and out.  He leaned towards her and stroked her cheek, slipping a fallen piece of hair behind her ear.  When their lips met for the first time, Aiden felt a warm tingling wave wash over his entire body.  Her mouth was to perfect, every curve of her lips was wonderful.  He knew in that instant he would be with her forever.  He wasn’t sure how long the kiss lasted, time had seemed to escape him entirely for those few moments; all his energy was focused on Ava, focused on every curve and dip of her body.  When Ava finally broke the kiss Aiden was less than ready for it.  “Goodnight Aiden,” was all she said, but then again she didn’t have to say anything at all.  The smile on her face told him all he needed to know.  If any one thought the couple was inseparable before, there would be no doubt in their minds now.  A month after, Ava moved in with Aiden.  After living together for about half a year, they wed right on the edge of the lake.

Aiden’s life with Ava was a sweet one.  She filled the whole house with laughter and cheer; her sunny disposition was infectious.  They could stay awake all night, just cuddling and talking by the fireplace; they could talk about anything.  Many nights, usually during a thunderstorm, they would dance to old jazz records and listen to the trickle of rain slowly falling from the heavens onto the tin roof; both finding the sound to be sensual.  He thought about their trip to Charleston on a weekend in February, and the Valentine’s surprise awaiting them there.  Ava had made the arrangements for the suite and made sure they had the best view from the bedroom window.  Aiden had made sure the entire room was filled with orchids and lilies; Ava loved lilies and orchids.  They were both anxious for the other to see their surprise, and equally stunned by each other’s. 

Each memory conjured brought mixed emotions for Aiden.  He and Ava had shared so many beautiful moments together, yet he felt they had also been robbed of each other as well; she died just shy of two years after they had wed.

story pieces (revision of ch 4)

any thoughts on which you like better would be nice, just leave a comment for me

 

 

 

4          As Aiden tried to calm himself, his thoughts returned to Ava.  He remembered the joy he felt when he opened the front door the night he met her, and saw her standing there with more daisies in hand, smiling beautifully.  They had talked and laughed for hours, and it was nearly 1 a.m. before she had gone home.  Smiling, he thought of their first kiss, only three short weeks after that day by the lake.  She was just about to leave his house after another long evening and her hand was already on the doorknob when Aiden uncontrollably grabbed her shoulder and whipped her around.  “Wait,” Aiden whispered to her, “don’t go yet.”

            “Aiden, it’s almost two in the morning, I think it’s time I left,” she said chuckling to herself.  Aiden reached up to stroke her face; her skin felt like silk underneath his fingertips.  She looked startled, but only for a fraction of a second, and then she smiled, and leaned close to him.  As she closed her eyes, he couldn’t help but think about how truly beautiful she was, both on the inside and out.  He leaned towards her and stroked her cheek, slipping a fallen piece of hair behind her ear.  When their lips met for the first time, Aiden felt a warm tingling wave wash over his entire body.  Her mouth was to perfect, every curve of her lips was wonderful.  He knew in that instant he would be with her forever.  He wasn’t sure how long the kiss lasted, time had seemed to escape him entirely for those few moments; all his energy was focused on Ava, focused on every curve and dip of her body.  When Ava finally broke the kiss Aiden was less than ready for it.  “Goodnight Aiden,” was all she said, but then again she didn’t have to say anything at all.  The smile on her face told him all he needed to know.

 

story pieces

4

          As Aiden tried to calm himself, his thoughts returned to Ava.  He remembered the joy he felt when he opened the front door the night he met her, and saw her standing there with more daisies in hand, smiling beautifully.  They had talked and laughed for hours, and it was nearly 1 a.m. before she had gone home.  Smiling, he thought of their first kiss, only three short weeks after that day by the lake.  She was just about to leave his house after another long evening and her hand was already on the doorknob when Aiden uncontrollably grabbed her shoulder and whipped her around.  She looked startled, but only for a fraction of a second, and then she smiled, and leaned close to him.  It was the best kiss he had ever had.  Four months later while hiking on one of the trails, he told her he loved her.  They were married the following month. 

Aiden’s life with Ava was a sweet one.  She filled the whole house with laughter and cheer; her sunny disposition was infectious.  They could stay awake all night, just cuddling and talking by the fireplace; they could talk about anything.  With each new memory Aiden conjured, his heart sank lower.  He missed Ava more than anything he could have imagined missing more.  Her absence had brought on his long-term depression and writer’s block, making this past year almost unbearable. 

story pieces

About twenty minutes later, Aiden was in the kitchen grabbing a Coke when he heard another beating on the door.  When he went to answer it, Aiden prepared himself for another visitor like Ralph, but when he peered around the open door he saw a couple that could have been in magazines.  The man was wearing a checked Polo shirt and chinos, and the woman was looking classy in a pencil skirt and collared pink shirt.  Even wet and distressed looking, they could have done a commercial together.  “Hi, folks.  Come on in,” Aiden offered as he gestured for them to come in out of the rain.  They graciously accepted, and after setting down their wet things in a corner the woman replied,

            “Hey there, nice to meet you.  I’m Jil, and this is my fiancé Calvin.  Sorry about the phone call earlier, its been pouring for ages and all the reception is terrible,” she shook hands with Aiden and smiled warmly, almost too warmly.

            “It’s not a problem, living out here you get used to it, and even if you don’t, you understand what its like.  I’m Aiden Dakota by the way.  Hey there Calvin,” Aiden offered.  Besides their brief phone conversation Calvin hadn’t even made himself apparent.  He kind of shuffled his feet for a moment before responding.

            “How do you do,” he said weakly, extending his hand.  The man had the limpest handshake Aiden had ever felt, especially given the fact that he was 6’3 and all muscle. 

            “Great.  Let me show you to your room.  Jil, can I give you a hand with anything?”

            “Absolutely,” she said already handing him a bag.  He grabbed it and headed up the stairs and down the corridor leading to room number 3.  He reached for the door handle and twisted it open, and almost dropped the bag when he saw a figure lying on the bed.  He wanted to shriek in terror, but he couldn’t make any noise.  He blinked for a few seconds and the figure disappeared.  “Aiden, um are you alright?” Jil asked, putting a hand on his shoulder, startled by his sudden stop.  Things were getting stranger by the minute and Aiden was beginning to worry about his sanity.

            “Ye—yeah, sure, I’m fine.  I thought I…never mind its nothing.  So, yeah, here’s your room, and uh, if you need anything just let me know.  If you’ll excuse me I need to make a phone call.”  Aiden rushed out as fast as he could without appearing frightened and headed straight to his office, forgetting the Coke.

          

story pieces

Aiden took a deep breath, and then exhaled slowly.  He had no idea he would be this nervous.  As he made his way casually around the lake, he went through a dozen different introductions in his head; nothing seemed appropriate.  Still racing to find the right words, he realized time was up.  He had been so pre-occupied he didn’t realize he was now standing only 5 feet away from her.  He took another deep breath to calm himself down and began to walk forward.  His first stride broke a twig in his path, making a sharp crack.  Ava turned, startled by the noise, to see him standing there.  Aiden was close enough now to see with sharp clarity why her eyes had struck him so.  They were the richest brown he’d ever seen, sprinkled with streaks of gold.  Big and dark, you couldn’t help but fall into them.  “Hi,” she said cautiously, “are you ok?  You look a kinda confused.”  He blinked and shook his head, trying to come back to the present.

            “Yeah, sorry about that.  Um, I was just uh, taking a hike on one of the trails and…saw, I mean I heard you humming to yourself,” Aiden stammered nervously.  There are moments in every person’s life when they wish they could stop the camera, rewind, and relive their last few moments, that time was now for Aiden. 

            “Oh, I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize anyone else was around, I hope I didn’t bother you.” 

            “Bother me?” he asked stunned, “You have one of the most beautiful voices I’ve ever heard.”  Looking back, Aiden thought, it was a pretty corny thing to say.  He guessed she appreciated it, she blushed profusely and thanked him with a sheepish grin.  “I live just up that hill, would you like to come by sometime and have some coffee, say…tonight around 7?”

            “Well, it’s a nice offer, but I don’t even know your name,” she said.  Another pitfall in his attempts to woo her, Aiden quickly recovered.

            “Dakota, Aiden Dakota.”  He smiled and extended his hand.  She took it and stood up, grinning from ear to ear.

            “I’m Ava, and it’s nice to meet you Aiden.”

            “The pleasure’s all mine,” Aiden said.  He had never meant it more.

 

3

            Aiden was brought with a screeching halt back to reality by a shrill ring from his phone.  He let it ring a few times, not really wanting to get up to answer it, and not really caring who it was either.  He didn’t have a answering machine right now though, it had broken a few months back and he just never got it repaired.  On about the ninth ring though he’d had enough of the noise, so he hoisted himself out of the leather chair and walked out into the now warm living room.  As he made his way to the coffee table, he glanced at the mirror hanging above the fireplace.  For a brief flicker of a second, he could have sworn he saw someone staring at him in its reflection, but when he darted around, there was no one in sight.  He could hear Ralph up stairs in his room, snoring away.  Who…or what could it have been?  The ringing refocused his attention and he shrugged it off as a hallucination.  “Hello?” he answered casually.

            Shhhh  errrr  shhh, “He-o?”

            “Hello?” Aiden answered again, struggling to hear over the static.

            “Can oo hear ee?” someone yelled anxiously through the receiver.

            “Just barely, who is this?”

            “Good.  I’m stuck out on the highway.  The an oo stopped to elp ee gave me this umber, do oo have a oom available?” the static was getting worse.

           “Yes, we have a vacancy available,” Aiden replied listening closely.

 “Onder-ul! Ank oo so uch.  We ill be there in ifteen inutes.  Ank oo again,” the voice replied and the line went dead.  The thunder outside was kicking up again and the rain was still falling in sheets on the tin roof of the cabin.

i actually wrote some more

2

            The rest of the afternoon and evening was rainy and windy but surprisingly quiet.  Ralph, it seemed, was somewhat of an introvert so Aiden didn’t have a lot of distractions.  He was, at one time, a somewhat talented writer.  Ever since Ava’s passing, he’d been having severe blocks.  As her memory passed again through his otherwise clear mind, he began to reminisce about their lives together.  She was a beautiful woman.  He remembered in detail the first time he saw her; the memory always made him feel short of breath.  He was taking a leisurely hike through the mountain base surrounding the lake.  A soft ripple in the water below caught his attention and he slowed his pace, making his way over to the edge of the trail.  As he searched for the source of the noise, his eyes landed on her.  She was only 19 years old when they had met, but she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.  She was wearing tattered, worn in blue jeans and a white tank top and she was slowly making her way around the lake trail, tossing a smooth stone in her hand.  She had long wavy chestnut hair that swayed with each step she took and although she was far away, he could see that her eyes were striking.  He dismissed the thought of her; after all, he would be thirty years old in only a few short months and decided he shouldn’t invest his emotions in something so seemingly risky.  He sighed, turned around, and made his way back to his cabin, knowing he would never see her again.

            Despite his better judgment, Aiden continued to take that particular path for the next few weeks, and he saw his beauty more and more, each glimpse causing him to want her more than the last.  During what he decided would be his last walk to find her, Aiden got up the courage to talk to the woman if the opportunity arose.  He was nearing the end of the trail, and there was no one in sight.  Aiden sighed in disappointment and headed slowly again back to the cabin when he heard a sweet, light sound filling the air.  He rushed to the edge of the trail only to see his prize.  She was sitting on a boulder in her tight, worn jeans holding a daisy and humming to herself.  She had one of the most beautiful voices Aiden had ever heard.  He knew that this was it; he knew now was his chance.

            Aiden took a deep breath, and then exhaled slowly.  He had no idea he would be this nervous.  As he made his way casually around the lake, he went through a dozen different introductions in his head; nothing seemed appropriate. 

in the begining

   this is just the begining of an unfinished, and truthfully, not really begun piece....but if i ever get around to finishing the begining i'll post more        

 

 

 

1

The howling wind roared furiously that night; it moaned and clawed at the house like a terrified cat.  There had been signs for weeks now that a storm was on its way, but no one suspected it would run its course with such rage.  The rain had been coming down in sheets for two days solid and the streets were flooded.  Living near a lake was bad news during times such as these; the water seemed to build on itself, never seeming to drain.  Aiden Dakota had no complaints though; he was a loner so the seclusion of his boarding house didn’t much bother him.  It was the slow season for boarders; being mid autumn and in weather like this, no one came around Asher Lake.  During a particularly rough patch of storm, Aiden heard a strange banging sound coming from outside. At first, he just assumed it was one of the branches from the large oak out front bumping into the house, but as he listened closer and the winds died down a bit, he realized someone was outside.  Aiden jumped up quickly and headed for the door. He almost slammed it shut in alarm after he’d seen what was outside waiting for him. 

            There was a small hunched over elderly man standing out in the stinging rain, hugging his old and tattered coat around his short, round body.  His hair had fallen out in patches, and his grotesquely large nose was pockmarked in several spots making him less than easy to look at.  As Aiden stared at him, he raised his globular face and smiled a crooked pleading smile, as if pleading for his life.  Aiden quickly smiled back still in shock and ushered the man inside and away from the storm.  The little man wobbled in with a slight limp, and Aiden then noticed one foot was considerably larger than the other.  “Hello there sir,” Aiden said quickly.

            “How’s it going?” the man replied.  “The name’s Ralph Cole, pleasure to meet you.”

            “Aiden Dakota, pleasure’s all mine.  Welcome to the boarding house, I assume you’ll be staying a few nights?  Considering the weather it might be longer...let me get you a warm blanket, you look freezing.”

            “Thank you, Aiden, very kind.  Yes, I plan on staying for a week or two, that is if there’s a room available.” Ralph said as he looked around the living room area.  It wasn’t a large house considering its purpose.  It was simple.  There were five bedrooms, one small bathroom in each room and one in the main area, a living room, kitchen and small dining room, and a quiet office where Aiden often lost himself in his work.

            “So Ralph,” Aiden began as he handed the warm flannel blanket over, “what brings you all the way out here to Asher Lake in weather like this?”  Ralph shook his head a little and chuckled to himself.  After you got used to his appearance, he wasn’t all that frightening.

            “The truth of it is, I was on my way up to Sycamore when this damn storm hit, and I did some looking around for a nice place to stay.  Just because the weather’s bad and I won’t be any place very long, it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the place I’m staying at.”  He grinned, and for a second Aiden thought he saw a flicker of fear and anxiety in Ralph’s eyes, but as quickly as it had come, it disappeared.  In spite of himself, Aiden got goose bumps and walked over to the brick fireplace to get a strong fire going.  As he picked up the first log, images flashed through his mind. He saw Ava in her silky loose nightgown on a night not so different from this one.  He saw the pills in the medicine cabinet, could remember the look on her face when he’d questioned her about them; he saw the terror in her cold dead eyes. 

            “You ok there, Aiden?” Ralph asked, looking puzzled.

            “Um, yeah sure...I uh, just remembered something I need to take care of next week,” Aiden lied as he dropped the logs into the fireplace and lit a match.

the worst is over now, and we can breathe again, i wanna hold you high you steal my pain away

best song ever, exercise your Windows Media player guys---listen to this song.

 

so, last night i woke up in a cold sweat coughin my brains out, i felt like i'd been asleep for eight years, and grab my cell to look at the time...2 am, i had successfully been asleep for thirty minutes. this is not only the worst feeling ever because of the coughing, but knowing i feel this drained and havent done anything, coughing kicks the crap outta you. so i scramble hunched over looking like egor to the bathroom because i know its comming...you can feel it after coughs like that...the heaving. besides giving birth, i would suspect its the worst feeling ever because you know whats about to happen and you cant stop it. so i chill on the bathroom floor and throw up since i cant stifle my coughs, and mommy being as great as she is actually wakes up and comes to help me. this is a big deal...this woman can sleep through a typhoon, but not when her baby is sick. ugh...FYI, when your trying to sleep and have the coughs, prop up some sturdy pillows, it helps a little. so i go to the doctor this morning after i get my puffer...and i learn i have to postpone the wisdom teeth thing since i have to go under. AH, i was angry, i just want to get it over with. i want to go tomorrow and just have them knock me out, cut whatever they need to out and just be done with it. oh well...i'll be able to eat solid foods a while longer. minor plus....so i decided what with those detailed "encounters" i came up with last night, i'm going to start writing something.....a short story or something, i dont know....i started writing one a while back and i just couldnt come up with enough....infact i can post it, hold on while i fetch it, not that your going anywhere.

ok so the computer is retarted so i'll just leave this here, restart and get you that piece of literary gold in a second....brb

chipmunk could possibly be a suitable nickname.....again

i'm gunna scan my tour pics on here soon so you can all see them...well--most of them.  so i'm getting sick and my appointment for my mouth is only a day away...i do NOT want to reschedule....at all. i need to nip this in the bud.

i really love this song...^^.  They both have such awesome voices, they compliment each other so well.  i've always loved amy lee...shes just got something about her voice, its beautiful. watch the music video if you get a chance. shes also really beautiful too, esp in the My Immortal video

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone

You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore

 

i love this song...i know i already mentioned it but i felt the urge to re-iterate. its pretty relevent in my life right now, i love when you find a somng with serisou meaning to you, it makes it that much more amazing. and i love how God always knows when to show you things like that. like the card. the card was awesome...i couldnt have asked for anything more clear.

-and you can tell everybody, that this your song.
It may be quite simple but, now that its done,
I hope you don't mind, i hope you don't mind, that i put down in words. How wonderful life is, when you're in the world

so excuse me for forgetting but these things i do
you see i've forgotten if they're green or their blue
Anyway the thing is, what i really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes, i've ever seen-

 

"Song of Songs 4:15"

--You are a garden fountain, a well of living water, as refreshing as the streams from the Lebanon mountains.--

Aruba, Jamaica, OHH i wana take ya to Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty Momma

So...sorry i havent updated in a long time...it's been a while since i've had an opportunity. the Bahamas were AWESOME. i really felt God there a lot and thats great for me. i hope someone could see Him in me too.  its so beautiful there, and our work project, although hot, was fun.  andi can use a sledgehammer...props to me...its very fun.

so things have been kind of weird lately...many mixed feelings, and not just with me either. i knew there was a reaosn i didnt ever date anyone and i have been reminded now why...i am not a decision maker, like oyu said in your devotion brandy, i'd rather someone make them for me. but i know this time i cant...i have to suck it up and face the possibility of making a mistake. so many little things i've been thinking about...i could have some things and miss out on others...or settle (in some areas) for less than what i want and not be as happy...so i mean i dunno...if anyone has any advice i'd like to hear it, i'm pretty horrible at this whole scene. its like i know that i have to make a choice, but i feellike in this situation i have to explore my options maybe...in order to see what each situation holds. i mean, that sounds bad but i dunno, nevermind. i knowi have to just trust that God will give me the guidance i need and the strength to decide.

so i'm really afraid of getting my wisdom teeth out now...i wasnt at first out of ignorance...i didnt know i had to get a shot..actually an IV...and now i'm scared...i meani dont necesarily LIKE needles but i can handle them, but IVs in the crease of your arm always freak me out. i hate them....not to mention its just going to hurt a lot. and i have to clean my room...which could take several days, especially at my procrastination rate....not a good thing. oh wait, i'm procrastinating right now...A+ kristina i get the award.

 

Psalm 5:1-2, 7

O Lord, hear me as I pray; pay attention to my groaning.  Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for I will never pray to anyone but you.  Because of your unfailing love, I can enter your house, with the deepest awe i worship at your temple.

C-R-AZY

so...it has been a hectic and not very easily describable few days...but i can try.  let's start from the begining, a very good place to start.  Set the scene: it's a partly cloudy thursday morning, about...ehh 10:30 ish.  I roll over in my new clean sheets and fluffy covers and realize i've been asleep for a shocking six whole hours...a big deal for me. i go to my computer--which has been very sick, and hopefuly is better now--and see i have a message of a saddening nature...not a great start. then--the sick computer frusterates the POOP out of me, not quite literally (you get the idea though)...and i become foul and cruel natured. all in 15 minutes might i add. i take a shower, get more fursterated, and go to target to buy...well we wont go into it but to get clothes for "summer". an hour or so later i get to the check-out line where i pop my mom's debit card in the machine and find out i am not allowed to use it...what the crap...i use it all the time but no...this itme its not allowed. ARGH it was almost $300 worth of stuff...not just for me, FYI. so i storm out, quite livid at this point and then get accused of hitting some psychotic thirty year old woman...i'm in tears now might i add...as she yells at me and bla bla bla. then i get to choir where i boil and do my part wrong. so all in all--yesterday was the worst day EVER!

 

onto today. i woke up and went to the mall with T.H.e Beast. we had a few laughs and i scarfed down two slices of pizza, bought a $10 polo and $20 pointy heels for church. came home and lounged....got some sad news--you will be ok, and i heart you--then chilled some more and then went to T.H.e Beast's house and to dinner and now i am here writing this lovely journal. time's have been hard and the road can only get worse before it can begin to flatten itself out again....you will make it out ok, you are stromg and if you feel like you're not i'm here to be strong for you ok?