You Are an Exotic Beauty!No matter what your ehtnic background, you've got a unique looki drove home in the sunshine--i needed sunshine today. no traffic, windows down...comming home to a mailbox that holds a present for me inside. its a great thing to see from the driveway. i could see the yellow envelope sticking out as i walked up the path...and there it was. My justin mcroberts CD waiting for me. all shiny and new...i even got a sticker! again. its really what i needed after last night. his music is so soothing and it just wraps you up...i love it.
an original:.
.:Let go, it's over, there's nothing you can do. If at first you don't succeed, take the hint--no one needs you. Ruins of walls once built up high; broken, they crumpled in vain. You believed his truth, but should have seen the lie. Out in the cold, you've been cast aside. Walk home alone--no one left on the light. You're done, it's over, just say goodbye:.
it seems the death of friendship was too much for her mother, love, to bare. she comitted suicide shortly after hearing the news.
*the death of love is never a solitary event.
friendship died today. after six short years of life, she took a passing on to that other place; a place of solitude and finality so great its incomprehensible. i loved her more than life itself. she died of neglect due to fear of abandonment. it was a cold, dark Sunday evening. goodbye friendship...i'll always love you and i never wanted you gone. i cant wait anymore.
there will be no service to commemorate friendship's death. she wants it that way.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
johhny quest is the coolest show ever. anyone who hasnt seen it is deprived and needs to check out cartoon network. who doesnt want an Indian best friend named Haji? i do. i'll keep t-rex though--she's pretty alright, love you girl.
i dont know why. i was fine and all of a sudden i just dont want to be aroudna nyone and i'm physically ANGRY. like--i dunno, its weird. i want to break something. but i always want to break something when i get mad. i dont know why its so satisfying...hearing glass break or something. oh lord, now you'll all think i'm a serial killer waiting to happen. oh well--i'm not. i just have an anger management issue at times.
this paper is GAY and it freaking sucks that i have to write it. espeically since theres freaking no information out there anywhere about your damn thymus and pineal glands. nope--nada. i need a freakin A too. i can hang that one up.
.:I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real. I want to let go of the pain I've held so long. I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real. I wanna find something I've wanted all along--somewhere I belong:.
Yes, it's true. Today is the one year anniversary of The Inner Thoughts of Mine. we really should celebrate. one glorious year. 173 entries. thats impressive. viewed almost 6,000 times. those stats are good. let's see if we can make this next year as splendid. : )
an original:.
.:I hate the way you talk as if you can't be heard. Your jealousy cuts the air like a knife. It's obvious that you really care--care too much. All the he said, she said is never true. Go home. No one is waiting for you. Just stop--you're not as invisible as you think; We all notice you. Don't tell a lie, spread what's not true. He's all I want, I never took that from you. Is there more to this than what's shining through? Eyes that pierce her every move. A green-eyed gaze to savor. Stop all this madness and accept the truth-- it's simply not your time. Just wait girl, you'll have him yet. Don't rush your future. Keep your secrets locked inside before they come back to you. He'll be here soon:.
browsing through the photos from winter retreat was amusing. there are some good ones--i tried to fit as many as i could into the newsletter...but they wouldnt all fit. just know the cream of the crop are commin your way!
ugh..gotta go to the dentist tomorrow...how bad does that suck? i hate that gritty jazz they polish your teeth with, if it gets on my tongue or i swallow it it makes me gag....its so nasty! ahhh--but luckily, no flouride...it comes in the foam and its flavored so its good. haha its for little kids but hey--i still count right? right..
so things have been going really well for me lately and i'm realizing that even though i was having a really rough time there for a while--i'll always be ok even though it doesnt seem that way all the time. i'm a tough cookie as my momma says...bring it.
.:My hands hold safely to my dreams, clutching tightly not one has fallen. So many years I've shaped each one, reflecting my heart--showing who I am. now you're asking me to show what I'm holding oh so tightly. Can't open my hands, can't let go. Doesn't matter, should I show you? Can you let me go? Surrender, surrender, You whisper gently to me. You say I will be free I know but can't You see? my dreams are me:.
this is for you--you dont even read this but its ok. it goes out to my homedog...since it's "our song" and what a silly one it is...timing really is everything; ours is spot on. you rock.
kristina*
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
Your beautiful soul, yeah
You might need time to think it over
But im just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c'mon lets try
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just wanna know if you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You beautiful soul, ooohhhh yeah
http://www.yournewromance.com/kindgirlquiz.html
what a fun little quiz.
Good Morning the night is over and gone
I thought once this dark would last for so long
Feel the sunlight on my face
You have brought me through this place
Jesus, Jesus You found me
Through the long night you led me
You set me free
Do you see just what You've done in my life?
You gave me more than I hoped for now I
Feel the sunlight on my face
You have brought me through this place
Jesus, Jesus You found me
Through the long night you led me
You set me free
enough said.
i hate forward messages. HATE them. i hate being told what to do. "If you love jesus, then send this to 58 people." "If you love your friends, send this to them, I did!" i HATE that. I love Jesus, i do. I am very much in love with my Savior...basically telling me that if i dont send annoying forwarded messages no one reads or likes getting anyways i dont love Jesus is crap. i should write a book. The world according to me by Kristina Graves. a knock-out...bestseller for years to come! you just wait.
So, remember the Dateable Rules book i told you about? well, its meant to be a month long study andi read it all yesterday. i couldnt put it down, it was amazing. and i know buying a book on dating seems really gay to a lot of people but i dont really care. it really makes you think about how girls as a whole act around guys and how silly the things we sometimes do are. i would really encourage anyone to buy it....there's a girl side and a guy side....i'm reading the guy side now--SHH! dont tell..i'm not supposed to. its ok, but yeah--it really is good and there's lots of good scripture in there...it will help you take a serious look at you and your ideas about guys and dating and contort them drastically....i'd say anyone who doesnt feel more confident and feel more beautiful after reading it didnt read it right. its good.
by Hayley DiMarco and Justin Lookadoo
"I think there are 8 little words that a define a girl of mystery. These 8 words become her mantra. She says them everyday. She believes them. She shapes her life around them. And, most of all, she lives them. Check it out:
Be still, and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10
Imagine a girl who really lives this verse."
I dare you to. and i dare you to live this way for a week and see if it changes you.
dare ya.
Happy Birthday Momma! she's such a super mommy...i love her, i think i might just keep her too.
went to the family christian bookstore tonight, never been there before. it was cool--i got a new Bible. its just like the one i have now just smaller so i can keep one with me and keep one in my room. i was excited about it. i also got two new books....one's called I can only Imagine by MercyMe and Jeff Kinley. it's sort of a devo kind of book centered around questions teens have about christianity..it looked cool. and i got another one on dating called The Dateable Rules and it's like a two sided book, one side is guys andone side is for girls. about like christian dating relationshps. its something i've struggled with before, not letting myself be more consumed with my boyfriend and letting it take over my priorities at church. it should be good....i'll let you know how they go.
thats about all i have for today--sorry it wasnt too thrilling...i do my best.
justin Mcroberts is my hero.
an original:.
.:Take me, hold my hand, let's go for a walk and not look back. I want you to know your smile warms me. Wander down this lonely road, don't care if never get home. As long as you're here with me I can live and love indefinitely. The grin you hide peeks through the dark, i see it come and it warms my heart. A hand to hold while we walk there--I don't want to let go:.
it feels like i havent posted in years--but it's only been a week. and things are radically completely and utterly not the same. want the scoop? good. its what you get for your daily dose of kristina.
Mr. Brooks passed away either very late Tuesday night or very early Wednesday morning, so that was hard and very eunexpected. Massive heart attack...he was a nice man and i wish i'd known him better. I was so proud of Brandy and of Daddy talking about him. you both did an amazing job and i know he was happy.
Winter Retreat. how do i even begin to describe it? maybe a list? well...i dunno...it was good.
1. SNOW! that is number one on my list. i knew it would snow, thank you God for making it snow, that was amazing and it made everyone so happy. : ) it rocked.
2. People. there were definitely some new faces and it was cool getting to know people i hadn't really had a chance to talk to much before. i got to know even my friends better and got comfortable with you too. spending that much uninterrupted time together is a catch 22: you get to know people so weel and so fast, but then all of a sudden its gone and its hard to get used to not seeing them all the time.
3. Singing. Our concert was amazing. watching people go C-R-AZY and dance and shout and sing and praise God was such a blessing to be a part of and witness. i love performing.
4. Sessions. The sessions, especially the different ones at night were really good. there was good discussion going on and the videos and powerpoint was a nice touch.
5. The Boyfriend. I'm glad i got the chance to get to know you more; you're such a respectful and sweet guy and i'm really glad things are going so well. i dont care what people say about it, i like you and you're awesome to me. they can suck it.
an original:.
.:I know you and your quiet soul, a private heart for her to hold; can't let me in so I'll wait outside, sitting patiently 'til this feeling subsides. All that I am, all i could do, can't you simply let me love you? With your railed-off heart no one can see; i miss that smile of yours so completely. We needed some time to escape the confines, the binds were suffocating butnow its time, are you ready for what I've got? I'll wait to catch you if you're not. All that I am, all I could do, can't you simply let me love you? With your railed-off hear no one can see; I miss that smile of yours so completely. Then you came with arms open wide, told me your story with no foolish pride; as tears made new saw fresh sunshine, you told me you loved me but couldn't be mine. All that I am, all i could do, why can't you simply let me love you? With your railed-off heart no one can see; I miss that smile of yours so completely. I will be here for eternity, so that you'll always be able to find me:.
isn't it weird when someone you've known for years tells you one day they've had a crush on you since they met you. especially when you never even thought about it before. good, glad we're all in agreement.
outdoor circuits today...Coach Brougham doesnt want to let up. i'm still sore from bucket ball and we've already done Tae Bo and circuits...i will not be mobile in the morrow hours fast approaching. its ok--there were five of us out of the whole stinking class that actually did them as they were meant to be done, quick paced, concentrated excercises...not gossiping about your one night stand while aimlessly lifting a 5 pound weight 4 times instead of 20. but its cool...you'll be fat and i wont. SUCKA!
winter retreat is fast approaching...and i am getting more giddy as the hours pass. 3 days left! thats it...and we have praise band practice tomorrow which i always love going to...so that'll make me moreee excited. performing for almost 70 people is going to be amazing and this trip is going to be blessed...how could it not?
.:"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but, can you ever just be whelmed?" "I think you can in Europe." "Oh.":.
-10 Things I Hate About You-
only 4 days until WINTER RETREAT!! ahhh---i'm P U M P E D U P!
we did Tae Bo today in aerobics..that was insamely fun except it hurt really bad because of my hard core game of bucket ball last night. i thought my back would just rip into pieces. not pleasant--but i hope we do it again soon because it was fun and i felt really good...like i got a nice workout from it. which is the point. imagine that.
so i love the song Not Alone by Barlow Girl. love it. its fantastic. its so powerful. i ordered a Justin McRoberts CD today too...the guy from my last journal. I'm pumped about getting that. mmm...nothing is better than driving with the windows down, on a trafficless road--sun shining, breeze blowing listening to amazing music. nothing compares.
.:You're true beauty's description--look so good that it hurts:.
woke up just in time to get ready for church...thanks for the wake up call God...totally knew i forgot to set the alarm. SS was good. temptaion is something i think we dont even realize is around at points. off to the beach after we escaped like felons....that was cool. haha, driving around BK half naked in a bikini was so weird, i felt like i was going to get into trouble for not having a shirt on. it was exciting...living on the edge...for the girl who never takes risks. it was big
the beach was beautiful. we got close and let the windows down, the salty breeze is fantastic. its my favorite smell in the world. its so exhilerating. lying there under the sun, hearing the waves crashing in around me...the breeze of a perfect day. the sound of mexicans speaking slurred spanish in hushed tones. how could it not be fantastic? haha. mm ice cream after. talk about subtley perfect refreshment.
holy cow i'm so incredibly pumped about winter retreat it isnt even funny. seriously. i'm about to crap my pants with excitement for lack of a more appropriate phrase. i hope it snows, i really really do. that would be beautiful. : ) i really pray though that everyone can take something away. i think its going to be a spectacular trip with a lot of opportunity to be still and really focus. and be totally an insane amount of fun. good things are bound to happen...i know it! i hope i dont get distracted by anyone or anything, i need prayers for my focus to remain on God and not on other things in my life. soo if you could manage a prayer or two, i'd appreciate it.
i also feel like i have an amazing chance to share God with someone else by being in praise band. i feel like its an annoyance for some people to do things like that--practicing all the time and rehersing. i love it--i adore it. it is one of the many church related highlights of my week. i mean, singing is my outlet, its what i do and i do it well. i know i do. and performing is the most awesome feeling in general, not to mention that i can share God with everyone who hears. i'm not a good speaker and i'm not good at talking about God with people i dont know so i feel like this is my chance to make a difference for someone. to touch someone through song. music is such a beautiful thing. it's when and where i feel closest to God. a powerful touching song will get me everytime. Justin McRoberts, i think he is who we listen to during our major sessions thats so peaceful and i break down everytime. something in his songs is always so relevant to my life and the songs are just so relaxing? worshipful? i dont know...they and many other more serious, quiet, powerful songs put me in such a worshipful place. i love the way just listening to someone sing about their love for Christ can just bring me to my knees (proverbially speaking, sometimes literally) in praise and adoration. music is lovely.
.:I waited for You today, but You didn't show...no no no. I needed You today, so where did you go? You told me to call, said You'd be there. And though I haven't seen You, are You still there? I cried out with no reply, I can't feel You by my side. So I'll hold tight to what I know, You're here--and I'm never alone. And though I cannot see You, and I can't explain why such a deep deep reassurance You've placed in my life. We cannot seperate--cuz Your part of me. And though Your invisible I trust in the unseen. I cried out with no reply, I can't feel You by my side. So I'll hold tight to what I know, You're here--and I'm never alone:.
this one is from my daddy--he emailed it to me so i wouldnt be "embarassed" and i'm not, what a silly daddy i have. it made my day
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. ... You are my "Ninabelle" and always will be - because it just fits! Hey, it could be "pookie butt" or some other Kimmy-ism.
2. Am I lovable? Very much so.
3. How long have you known me? Our first conversations were when you were still in your Mommy's tummy!
4. When and how did we first meet? When the old doctor nearly let you slip out of his hands, I saw my beautiful little girl. Little did I know that she was going to be a "momma's girl!"
5. What was your first impression? Somebody clean that thing up!!! Also, that you were a special gift from God and that I was a very lucky man to have been entrusted to be your father!
6. Do you still think that way about me now? No, you have cleaned up very well. And, yes, I still feel very lucky!
7. What do you think my weakness is? Well, you are nearly perfect, but you could use a bit more patience and confidence in yourself.
8. Do you think I'll get married? Absolutely, you are a born lover of others.
9. What makes me happy? Sharing the happiness of others.
10. What makes me sad? Feeling left out.
11. What reminds you of me? Just about everything, but especially funny things in movies or TV shows.
12. If you could give me anything what would it be? The happiness that Mom and I have found sharing our lives with each other.
13. How well do you know me? I think Mom and I are tied for better than anyone else!
14. When's the last time you saw me? When you blew me a kiss good night.
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? Yep - every time I see you turn on the lights, I want to tell you how sorry I am for scaring you when you were smaller.
16. Do you think I could kill someone? A born lover of others usually does not have that in them.
17. Describe me in one word. Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious!
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same? I hope it is growing every day.
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen? Yes.
20. Are you going to put this on your live journal and see what I say about you? Don't have one!
Love you!!!
so last night at church david henderson kindly pointed out to me that it appears the "smooch" photo in a recent entry is not a heterosexual couple. thats a big UH-OH in my book. so, i was unaware i was pormoting homosexuality...i didnt mean to. if you're gay--good for you i dont need to know about it. nothing personal, it just grosses me out.
thats all i have
actually...i have more news. i got a 1090 on my SATs. that was awesome for a first round. now getting geared up for the essay on la SAT nueva. only 8 weeks away!!
i saw this on another journal and thought i would see how many people responded...considering my comments are few and far between...i have little faith in receiving any reply.
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. ...
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
--You can't poop in this town without everyone knowin' what color it is. .:Lou:. Doc Hollywood--
today didnt start off well at all. i got up too early i guess and ended up at school by 7:15...i usually dont even leave by then. so i chilled in my car and read The Count of Monte Cristo.
mm...so started this journal yesterday and am now just getting around to completing it. dont remember what i was going to say either. so--my birthday is in one month and one week...thats exciting.
--and he tells eveyrone a story cuz he thinks his life is boring and he fights so you wont ignore him, cuz thats his biggest fear, and he cries but you'll rarely see him do it, and he loves but he's scared to use it, so he hides behind the music cuz he likes it that way. and he knows that he's so much more than worthless, he needs to find the surface cuz he's...starting to get nervous. hes calling out to you this is a call, this is a callout cuz everytime i fall down, i reach out to you, and i'm losin all control now and my hazard signs are all out i'm askin you to show me what this love is all about. have you ever felt this way before, cuz i dont wanna hide here anymore, take me to a place where nothin's wrong and thanks for callin shut the door, and they say someone out there sees us, so if you're real then save me Jesus cuz i've been this way for far too long i wasnt meant to feel alone. .:Five for Fighting:.--
not caring about what people think of you is so hard to do.
i finally found my ballerina slides....pink and cream with beads and sequins...who wouldnt want them? thats right, you all do.
it's times like these that try mens' souls....and kristina's....being steadfast in your decisions is so hard sometimes...knowing what the right thing to do is so hard sometimes...not like right and wrong, just the decision you need to make about a certain situation...where God wants you to be and where you think He wants you. trying to sort through all your feelings...its a pain sometimes.
--i would do anything, i would give everything to be your everything.--
the smile from those days, a product of your silly ways. the light was bright enough to blind, now its all but left behind. the walls i built were soon torn down, but now they're so high its hard to see 'round. too many tears were cried...sometimes you wish you'd never even tried. a glimmer through the cracks in my soul...they fill the space and i begin to feel whole. you realize the memories encourage a laugh, but i know i'll never go back.
.:an original
a new year. have you ever noticed how beautiful new things are? how absolutely amazing the smell of new crayons is? or how fresh the smell of warm towels out of the dryer are? the way you feel right after a nice long shower? the crisp pages of a new book, complete with the minute shreds of paper still lingering between its unexplored pages....newness is revitalizing. refreshing. rewarding.
empty optomistic fantasies are nice, but actually having the change to change your life...being on a .:clean:. slate is such an amazing thing. and it comes every 365 days like clockwork. this year will be better...not by excerising more or drinking more water, praying more, being a better person, or just MORE anything...all you need to do is one simple thing. just one tiny thing everyday to be happier with yourself.
never, ever let anyone .: rob you of your joy :.
thats it, thats all. none of those other things are bad, i plan on doing them all myself but the main focus shouldnt be on what you do or dont do, but how you PERCEIVE the things around you. you're reactions...its no picnic and its hard. but just think...happiness? its so worth the effort.
--we're at the top of the world, you and i we got a lotta time and it sure feels right cuz you reached in your pocket, and pulled out a pass that says you can take me anywhere. we're on the top of the world, we got a lotta time and it sure feels right cuz i'm up here running behind you, i'm up here running in repeat.--
.It was a beautiful day
Don't let it get away
Beautiful day
Touch me
Take me to that other place
Reach me
I know I'm not a hopeless case
What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow
What you don't haveyou don't need it now
Don't need it now
Was a beautiful day
