Bet me...

I highly reccomend 2 things i've been exposed to lately--well three

Zicam dissolvable cold medicine, DIrty Dancing Havanna Nights...oh man it was so good..., and Bet Me, a novel by Jennifer Crusie...but its a chick book so be forwarned

I really havent been able to get that movie out of my head...so many things about it, i really enjoyed several things about it a lot more than the first one....the setting, the guy, he is so incredible...i mean--oh wow...the music, just the whole feel to it...the dancing is similar but something about this was just different and....sexier i guess i'd say. thats a fantasy i have...i want to feel alive like that--i hate when you go to a dance and all the guys are.....afrain to dance with you, they just stand there or behind you so you can rub your ass on them...its so dumb....ah i hate it. ok..well enough for now--my cold is getting the better of me......sweet dreams

why me God?

for the record, sad is only one of the moods i'm in, i couldnt put angry, confused, frusterated, hurt, in pain, lost, alone, and totally depressed.

for the record, it has officially been confirmed by 3 people, i have names, that i am hated. people think i am a BITCH and everyone hates me. thats the word on the street. jesus christ, i am so lost an i.......cant even describe how i feel, no one would understand. to hear EVERYDAY

 the from someone who is supposed to love you, that they and everyone they know hates you...that absolutely kills me, because even though i know i am a bitch to you sometimes, i still will always love you and i never stopped, i just dont undertsnad what i did wrong to make you despise me so much. i cant figure it out. everyone has struggles and fights, but i never thought you hated me. well i lied, i did know you hated me which is the saddest most heart-wrenching thing of all...i'm sorry i let you down. why god? why do people hate me? i dont try or mean to be the type of person you could hate, i dont want people to hate me. what i want is to have a day where i dont starin my voice from screaming into the emptyness of my world, to have someone who acres hear me, and tell me they love me. i want to come home and not cry for hours looking at myself wondering what i did wrong and why all of a sudden i'm "the bitch everyone hates". i'm sorry god, i love you and i never meant to be so awful to have people feel this way about me, it literally stills my heart, but in the worst imagineable way ever. it stills me in a way that almost makes me want to "be still" forever, i would never want to leave this world before i was supposed to, but i mean why stay? i know things will get better, i just need to remind myself that even if he is the only one, god loves me, and that can get me through anything i face.

brand SPANKIN new

http://www.livejournal.com/users/hotpink_sunday/

^ that is the link to a new journal i am posting in...check it out...i am still going to write religiously in here too--dont fall off the inner thoughts wagon

under the glowing sun

I feel so beautiful, i dont know what it is, but the last few days--i've glowed. i feel radiant, as if strands of the golden sunlight are emmitting from my every feature...making me sparkle, glitter. i guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder...and my eye is seeing loveliness reflecting all around--a refreshing change.

i know i've been back and forth on this love situation. i either let it kill me or i "dont care". in all reality, i always care, and when i say oh whatever its no big deal--usually i'm lying to myself...its normal, who doesnt want to feel loved? but i realized something--i have SO MUCH MORE to live for than a guy. i mean i am beautiful and i know it..most days..i'm funny, kind, honest, i have high morals...i mean there are so many positive things about me and things in my life that are fine without a guy screwing it up. i just need to concentrate on whats going on NOW rather than what could have been.  i have been set apart for a special purpose, i am unique, my friends and i are similar but they dont all share or even practice the same morals i profess...we all make mistakes, but i intend on not giving in to temptation of any sort when ever physically possible. it isnt worth it to me to get wasted or drunk for a few hours, or to do something physically appealing with a guy to feel good about myself, because in the end, you always get that hangover, or you always get that emotional regret...i mean it feels good while it lasts, but othing lasts forever, and i'd rather wait for the perfect time and people to do those things....and age!  if all my choices mean that i'll be ostracized, then i guess i'm going to have to square with that...i would rather have confidence in myself and in my choices than to go with the flow and crowd....if i have to be "the good girl who never gets in trouble" so be it. i'm tired of the regret that comes with some desicions i've made...and there definitely has been serious regret in every wrong desicion i have made so far--and will be here on out. i am so blessed to be set apart, and i know now that i can enjoy it in the long run, because i will be safer and happier later on.

The ramblings of a hormonal teenage beauty queen

its been quiet...i woke up at eleven, watched the emporer's club...pretty good by the way, ate cereal--(Oh's), layed around and played with the puppies, ate a cheese burger from wendy's that my mommy brought me, went to office depot with mi padre, found a screw in the tire and got it fixed, went to target where then we cleaned out the dvd/cd section, got cleaned up for jameys suprise party, ate some spaghetti at jeff's, came home watched hlaf of under the tuscan sun, was interrupted by neighbors and went over for an hour--it was worth it i suppose...i mean i did get chocolate cake out of the deal...and now i am here, doing nothing but writing down everythingi did into a journal entry of extreme daftness.......

last night was fun...a little random, but fun. heres how it went down--kristin got me at 6, we got mel and proceeded to Bistro AIX where we planned to eat--yeah not so much the wait was 45 minutes..and you should know i dont wait that long to eat...so we got a meduim pepperoni pizza at the loop and went to our movie--which we were late to and it was sold out anyways. so we went to the mall, got $8 shirts at abercrombie, drove around, picke dup the chad, got ice cream dropped him off, dropped mel off and i went home.....there were many more exciting and interesting details--but if i revealed them i'd have to incarcerate you...so i'll just leave you guessing. until i decide to move you by my poetic insightfullness....

kristina marie*

part 2

ok up next...praise band. oh yay. yes lets see if we can find one more thing to stress ourselves out over alright? because when bryan "asked" us if we want to play epworth and some people didnt...ok yeah when he asks you and you dont want to you dont say..sure whatever...you say hey bryan i'm not really interested....hello? if you say yes, even if you arent enthused or interested at all and its apparent...hes going to take it as a yes. so when he tells us later that we are infact playing at epworth, dont go postal and say he never asked when he did, you just didnt have the balls to stand up and say no. i commend you for talking it out with him--i really do. but next time, just say something...you stress yourself out more than anyone or anything else.

i dont even know exactly what all of it even is anymore--but i'm just angry at the world all of a sudden and i hate it, it just randomly came about one day and i want it to go away. this is not me and i am a bitch normally--but i'm a bitch that people can live with...not this insane psychopathic twisted freak i have become...i want to be me again

Lord,

     I cant do this alone. I need you; I need you to help me. I'm lost Lord. I've fallen into darkness that i cantfind my way out of, I've fallen into the abyss. Thi isnt me, I dont hate people or things, I want to be made whole again. I scream inside and it's as if no one can hear me. I dont know what happened, i was so happy. Lord please, guide me in faith and love, i need you now. I love you. i dont want to be this way, i want to be pure again.

i want a punching bag...preferably with you inside

i love my sparlky ring, its beautiful..i thought i'd start off with something girly and happy--becasue thats the only that WILL BE happy in this entry....if you dont want to read my bitching, then stop now and just go away bc thats all you get right now.......ready? steady? bitch

ok i have several things on my whine list this evening....first i'm going to start with one of my favorites...this is for the guys only so if youre a girl you might want to skip this part and read on--you wont understand, and even if you do you wont care. be forewarned...ok guys, by guys i mean boys at church i hang out with...this is for you

just because i'm not like other girls, and i mess around with you and i'm strong, and we "wrestle" if you will sometimes...come on, i am still a GIRL this means: you do NOT hit, punch, or slap me hard enough to physically hurt or bruise me...ok? and if i get too rough, say hey kristina stop, no big deal ok. but when you SLAP ME IN THE FACE...no, thats outright rude and not appropriate. you do not slap a girl in the face, and i'm sure you know this already but incase you dont, if you ever..EVER slap me in the face expect one, please expect one ten times harder right back, i dont put up with shit like that ok? you do not disrespect me by hitting me. i've had enough. just dont forget i'm not "one of the guys" and that i'm a girl and i'm more sensative...well sometimes, than you so be careful.

babies come from baby seeds...you buy them at k-mart incase you didnt know

Lisa: You were AMAZING last night, i got chills....you're voice is beautiful.

it made me feel very inferior, i've been having voice problems lately and now i think i cant sing...it makes me quite angry. like on winter retreat...i sounded wonderful, which might osund vain but it isnt meant that way, the week before at rehersals, then we get there and i choke..quite literally, my throat closed up and i coughed my way through both nights....i was so dissapointed. and now since i've been sick, my voice is scratchy and cant keep up at CHOIR which doesnt ever strain my voice...ah it drives me insane, then people like lisa, although marvelous...make me feel bad, she sounded amazing and she was sick...argh! its ok, i love your voice i cant even sing well in praise band practices anymore...ah it probably sounds dumb to every person that reads it, but singing is my thing...i cant draw or play an instrument and i'm not mathematically or scientifically inclined...so singing is it for me, thats my gift, and right now it is NOT cooperating with me...its like wanting to paint a beautiful sunset, and having no orange paint...you cant paint without the right colors. you cant sing without the correct voice, and mine went away for a while...it best come back soon or things could get ugly...i want to sing on tour and try outs will be soon

anyways...thats my rant for today

" " part 3

"Have A Little Faith In Me"

When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Let my love throw a spark
Have a little faith in me

And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try baby and
Have a little faith, faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me, oh and
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith, faith in me

When your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
Come here baby, from a whisper start
To have a little faith in me

And when your back's against the wall
Just turn around and you, you will see
I will catch your, I will catch your fall just
Have a little faith, faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith, faith in me

I've been loving you for such a long, long time
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You see time, time is our friend
Cos for us there is no end
All you gotta do is have a little faith

I will hold you up, I will hold you up and
Your love gives me strength enough to
Have a little faith in me
Oh faith, darlin'

Have a little faith in me
Oh, faith

For such a time as this--part 1

I'm sick of people. i mean not even certain people, just the way some people act in general. like this: you try to sayhey to someone and they just sit there and give one word responses to everything you throw at them....its like hello if you dont want to talk just say so--i wont cry or anything, but dont be a bastard and just sit there and not sayin anything either, i'm a BIG girl, i can handle it ok? people are just so lazy sometimes it amazes me, not that i cant be too, but not like that.

one of my friends is have serious faith struggles and i dont know how to help them. like they say, "oh i dont want to talk about it" yet they bring up stuff in conversation of a christian nature--now is it just me, or will that not lead to a faith based discussion...yes i thought so. its like yeah if you dont want my help say so, but dontjust sit there and resent me for being the friend i am to you, when all i'm doing is showing that i care enough to bother with your moodiness and bad attitude toward EVERYTHING. i mean i'll say something, anything and they have to cme up with some way to contradict me or find a way to prove me wrong...whats that all about? i'm not hurting you--i'm trying to help you. dont want me to? F*CKING just tell me that and i WON'T EVER AGAIN...do we understand this? it just kills me because its a very close friend of mine and i cant even TALK to this person without fighting anymore...they';ve changed radically in mind and attitude and i HATE every minute of it...i dont know what to do, if anything...

such a time as this part 2

i guess everyone is just changing...i mean friends of mine are doing things i never expected, in part because we had discussed such things and they had given me solid reason to believe those things would never be an issue for them, and they still for the most part are not for me. i have maybe 5 or 6 out of my like million friends who has been able to "prevail through the storms" (NAB) and live up to the commitments they've made to themselves and other people...but the rest..they're just falling down on the job and i dont know why. like i dont want to be the annoying christian girl who tries to bible thump everyone but come on people...lets get our acts together. dont make stupid promises to people when you both know you wont keep them, and dont do dumb rebellious things just for the sake of being rebellious. i know you all can be the people i thought you were, i just dont know how or if i should even try anymore to help you get there. maybe its me, maybe i'm just to prudeish to be friends with some people i know anymore--i mean hey, sorry that i dont agree with or plan on getting drunk ever in high school, having sex ever before i get married or even come anywhere close to it, and i dont think getting high is cool...i love the body and spirit God blessed me with and i intend to the best of my ability to keep them both pure and respect them fully. its not like i think i'm perfect because i have made mistakes i regret seriously now, but i try and i truly am sorry and make an effort to avoid making them again once i realize what i've done. i dont know--society is just so screwed up now that people forget to just be thankful for the fact that they arent mentally handicapped and they have cell phones and they have a good education and they have the cool clothes from abercrombie...we all take them for granted myself included, but i mean most people dont even stop to think, hey--i'm pretty lucky to be breathing the air God has put on this earth. the world's gone to hell in a hand basket and i'm tired of trying to fight it...no one seems to care or even try to change anymore. i just need a renewal of faith in people, i need a miracle to help me set things straight again, i need to have faith.

 

Favorite song of the week:

Evanescence: My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

gosh--this woman's voice is amazing...it just encahnts me, i love it.  i'm really into this song, i think just the fact that her voice is so darn beautiful and the slower pace and words..the dramatic style..all of it...its just a good song; its something we all can or wil lbe able to relate to eventually--we will all love someone dearly who will die or leave us...it inevitable, and i think its a good...maybe..coping type song, its comforting i guess...very real...The Inner Thoughts of Mine gives it: *****

(buy the cd asap)

black and white is so sophisticated

edge city definitely is not all that and a bag of chips as i had imagined it to be. it was cool though--i dug milo better. anywho...my jessica mcclintock dress si stil there--calling my name--the ONLY red one, the ONLY red size 5 one...the ONLY perfect one for me...but its dumb to buy it since i'm not going to be attending prom for another year...god i want that damn dress though...yes, just for the record--i spent $90 on makeup today...damn you say--she bought a lot of makeup--oh no...i got concealer, blush, an eyeliner pencil and two brushes..thats IT. $90.....for 5 things...thats robbery right there....it was quite insane and i almost hyperventilated once i realized how much i spent in a 10 minute time passage...total--i spent $170-$160 dollars today. oh well--i at least saved the other $200 i was smart enough to put inot my account..man i'm glad or i would've bought the whole mall or something.

caroline--my cinderella snow globe is wonderful! i love you--it was a perfect gift...yeah i love cinderella for those unaware...i have a cinderella shelf...its FULL i need a new one for the lets count: 2 procelean statues, 1 glass slipper, 1 mug, 1 plastic statue, 2 cake decorations (mini statue and carraige), 1 piggy bank, and now...1 snow globe...yes it is fair to say i am a bit obsessed. is ok--we all have our little quirks.

i decided i really love these things:

1. any color in the red/pink/yellow/orange group, and greens 2. anything with rhinestones and sparkles 3. tropical flowers 4. polka dots 5. jeans 6. polo shirts, or any shirt made from that type of fabric 7. I'm not really a waitress red nail polish from OPI 8. food court meals..haha i love food 9.reefs 10.sheer fabrics 11. high heels--even though i dont own a single pair

just a little insight into my world...its quite a COLORFUL, wonderfully happy and musical place to be...until next time

plan "x"

prom is only so far away..

Yes..you know my perfect prom dress picture in a previous journal? i tried it on today--oh my lordy...i felt like a goddess...i was like wow i look like a super model or aphrodite or something...it was incredible...i wanted to buy it even though i wont be able to wear it for a year...unless i have a sudden and unexpected change of current events and get asked--wow that'd be awesome; natalie: you are so going to tell me all about the luster of prom in a few months..lol i will make sure you get to go!  ahh ok i just thought i'd let everyone know about my dress story--now i have bigger fish to fry

yes, so natalie and i were on our way to steak and shake last night--minding our own buisness going down san jose by bolles and this psycho "man" got right up next to us and was blinking their lights at us and honking and screaming...twas quite frightening if you ask us...then go balistic and pulls in front of us and starts to brake profusely....so we went around them and they sped up only for us to realize uh oh--its a dyke....yeah scary buisness...and she followed us from bolles to sunbeam and almost to phillips...it was insane. be safe guys--there are some insane psychos...until next time...

plan "x"

since i fell for you

just have an announcement for my main squeeze...i think i'm in love...more onthat later, right now i must go shower, get beautified, eat some scrambled eggs, and go otu and have a hizz-appenin' time...i love you call me anytime...you should know the number, if oyu dont--i guess i dont like you--sorry there comes a time in everyones life...

It's my birthday and I'll laugh if I want to, smile if I want to...

I AM SIXTEEN! I AM SIXTEEN, HAVE A CAR, HAVE A LISCENCE, HAVE A CELL PHONE, AND WILL SOON HAVE A CREDIT CARD AND CHECKING CARD.  MY LIFE IS PERFECT! Oh lordy, this has been the pinnacle of my life thus far!  heres the run down of my awesomely, absolutely glowing day...

OK, got up at 6:20, tara the bestest firend ever! came to get me at seven, we ate a yummy breakfast at the healthy bagel company...she gave me the COOLEST! present ever....a mirror in a yellow frame with magazine cut outs of different stuff glued on it and glittery puffy paint words..it was superb beyond explanation. and a bracelet that MATCHES hers! ok so then, after i bought a camera at winn dixie, we drove to school and on the way saw THE natalie anne bachman, and upon arrival took a bff picture and went in search of her lover and ernest...not hemmingway.  our search was unsuccessful, BUT i did see him at lunch..i think, considering i havent ever met him i'm not sure but i am quite certain this guy was one and the same. anyways, so i went up to my locker, and BAM!! i am taken aback by the pretty pink daisy wrapping paper that covers my locker, the white curly ribbons and signs from people wishins me a happy sweet sixteen. a smashing good suprise if i do say so myself..pictures by the way SHALL be posted asap. so then i did the school thing...nothing too exciting there...oh yes and kelly the coolest also made me scrumpcious brownies...oh man they were T-A-STY...so i got to the car and we drove to the DMV to get my liscence...only to find we didnt have the right papers...so we drove, or should i say I drove, back to the house to retrieve said papers, drove back and received in all its wonderful luster my freedom---convieniently made travel size in a rectangle of plastic euphoria...and now i am here with you fine people sharing this excellent day....

oh man this was really an awesome day and i love every single one of oyu with all my heart, you all are the sunshine in my life and i want to say thanks for making me so happy...not just today but all the time! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kristina marie*

Help me I think I'm falling in love with you...

Have any of you ever just...clicked with someone?  and not even someone you've just met, i mean like a person from your past...who just comes back into your life with a bang and all of a sudden.....you just find your self thinking about them all the time and waiting anxiously until they call or sign on the internet so you can talk for just a few minutes? slowly but surely i am getting all of these symptoms...its weird it just kind of hit me a day or two ago...you just talk to that person about everything and oyu have so much in common and...i cant describe it, but its a great feeling...and your only hope is that they feel the same way...if you're reading this, you'll know who you are...and you can let me know if you feel this too...breathlessly,hopelessly  f-a-l-l-i-n-g for you...

-until i return from cloud nine...

kristina marie*

tick tick tick...only a few hours more

so i decided that John Mayer's Comfortable is now on kristina's top 10 list of best songs ever...i like it so much i am going to share the lyrics with you...read them...and download the song if you can...its really good

Comfortable

I just remembered that time at the market, snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart and rolled down isle 5.  You looked behind you to smile back at me, crashed into a rack full of magazines. They asked us if we could leave. Can't remember what went wrong last september, though i'm sure you'd remind me if you had to. Our love was comfortable, and so broken in. I sleep with this new girl i'm still getting used to, my friends all approve saying shes gunna be good for you, they throw me high fives. she says the bible is all that she reads, and prefers that I not use profanity. your mouth was so dirty, life of the party,  and she swears that shes artsy, but you could disinguish Myles from Coltrane. Our love was comfortable and so broken in, shes perfect, so flawless or so they say....hey. She thinks I cant see the smile that shes faking, posing for pictures that arent being taken. I loved you, gray sweat pants, no make up, so perfect...our love was comfortable and so broken in, shes perfect, so flawless, I'm not impressed....I want you back

steam and rose colored glasses

so yes these past few days have been although miserable from illness, quite rewarding other ways. the..."hunt" i'll call it is looking a bit promising...oh you definitely should know who you are, and for that matter who you arent; only a few weeks...that will be so great. i hope you were serious today

so...only one full day left until i am 16...how sweet it is...no pun intended...i'mvery excited.....someone please throw me a suprise party bc i have no idea how or even if i am going to celebrate...i leave it up to you good people...haha and i know nothing will be done about it now that i have given you all the task, but anyways...i am beginging to realize that my life is drastically about to change.....and i dont know in some areas if i want it to.  yeah, i bitch about everything under the sun, but i'm a girl and i have raging hormones...its only natural...tis what i like to call PMS, boys--say hello and get nice and comfy with those 3 little letters...they will make or brake you one day

i am definitely not looking forward to school tomorrow--it is but my single passionate hate....homework is probably the udmbest thing i canthink of.........argh but anyways i'm going to avoid complaining as best i can...ok basically thats impossible so we shall end at this lovely climax...dont touch that dial...The Inner Thoughts of Mine will be right back!

no no, these aren't from the miss america pageant

Those are the lovely photos i promised all of you from winter formal a week ago...and some of them are from wednesday night, so have fun looking around and i'll update later this week, much love to all

3...2...1!

So i'm on day 2 of the illness journey...not feeling much better but trying to keep my hopes up.  The birthday is in 2 and a half days...exciting i know...i'm thrilled!  Man oh man, i seriously feel as if i haven't slept in about a week...which equals getting back from choir tour...not a good feeling.  I would be rea;;y pissed about school tomorrow...but, considering wednesday is so near...nothing can dampen my spirits, this will be the best week i've ever had.  I need to cut down on my busy schedule...as of now it so stands:

Monday: school and bible study at bryan's until pushing 6

Tuesday: school, home and to jess's for all girls bible study from 7-8 ish

Wednesday: school gets out early, church at 5 and then praise band until almost 9

Thursday: school and tutoring from 4:30 - 6

Friday: school...and finally a break...but not really since i wont be home

Saturday: i usually have plans, but everyonce in a while i can actually sleep in

Sunday: Church most times by 7:30 or 8, sunday school until 11, home for a few hours or out, choir at 5, youth until 8:30

i am such a social butterfly it amazes me...i can deal, i'll be more insightful next time when i'm not on pills and my brain isnt foggy...i love you all

plan "x"

ps-sorry to those of you whom i've been a bitch to recently...its been a busy and stressful week and we all know i dont handle that well...you rock my socks all the way off

The good, the sick, and the pissed off

ARGHHHHHHH!!!! My sixteenth birthday is ony 3 days away and i f*cking get SICK! Why i am suprised, i dont know. for those of you who arent familiar with my immune system retardation, i unconciously take up every opportunity possible...meaning any important or fun event in my life...to get sick and ruin it for myself.  happens EVERY year...like

1. when i was 2 at disney and threw up everywhere

2. in pre school when i got sick on my birthday...and countless other birthdays too

3. almost every other time i've ever been to disney world

4. the week before final exams every year since 6th grade

5. right before or after christmas

6. the last 2 dances and parties of the year...like in 8th grade or so

and many more frusteratingly inconvinient times...as you can see now it is only natural that 3 days before i turn sixteen and get my liscence...i would get sick so it would all be ruined...i have the worst luck ever and i hate it...i dont care anymore...being sick will not stop me from getting my liscence...i refuse to let it...if i get well before wednesday by some miracle...i will let you know, pshh right....

 

you dont even know me...

i think its everyone lets be bastards and have costipation and PMS all in one day time.......people are so dumb sometimes...

usually..people being mean wouldnt annoy me, i usually desverve it, but not this time i havent done anything and people just have this urge to be a prick or to basically ignore me...i dont get it and never shall i fear will i understand...

ok besides the PMS this week has been really great...the realm of all things male has been opened up and slowly been ushering me in...very slowly...we'll see what ensues.....you know who you are.. : )  i'm so excited your comming soon...it'll be cool to see you after this long...

oh yeah, dont forget to check out the new kristinamarie211 webpage....

http://hometown.aol.com/kristinamarie211

i dont know what else to say for now, i love some of you, others need to cool it...but i still love you anyways...just not as obviously

the sunshine and daisies are beautiful this time of year

AHH...I love life. Yes, bad things are bound to happen....but why worry about it...honestly, the things we pull our hair out over wont matter in a month or two...enjoy your beautiful life now....i'm trying to this as best as i can...so far so good

I just love daisies....pink to be exact, which is the reasoning behind the beautiful one at the top of this bright cheery journal entry...yes, there is a method to the madness sometimes...

kristina's top 5 suggestions for a more relaxed, happy life...(in no real order)

1. Try your best to love yourself, and remember to avoid judging people...most people arent what you think, as i am begining to realize

2. Find a book you love, and read it whenever you feel sad or just want to get that warm fuzzy feeling...mine is A walk to Remember  : ) excellent read

3. Surround yourself only with positive people...even if the best friends youhave complain...avoid them for a day and see if staying away from the negativity helps to brighten your spirits...you might be surprised

4. Have one day or one time a week for yourself, just relax and think about your life and concentrate on anything thats going wrong, or give praises to the Lord for the wonderful things, it releases burdens from my heart, and i bet it oculd do some people a world of good

5. write down your emotions and thoughts...like in a journal! it doesnt even have to be a journal..a scrap piece of paper works, but if oyure overwhelmed, writing your ideas and emotions down is a wonderful and easy way to get it all out of your system...then you can just toss it in the garbage and go have some fun!

just things i thought i would share....love yourself, give someone a compliment, and have at least one hour for yourself this week...you owe it to yourself to be happy and to avoid any and everything that counters that....i love you...until next time

kristina marie

...and then you happen...you're my angel

A Walk to Remember...what a beautiful story.  Its my favorite book...i envy Jamie, which sounds insane for two reasons: 1. shes a fictional character  2. she dies in the end   but if you think about it, she has the fairy tale, in my mind, she has it all.

last night at jessica's house we were studying Esther, for those of you who havent read that book in the bible...she is an average everyday woman who suddenly becomes a queen and is a pivotal character in the bible. anyways, jessica was being her usual motivational, wow i want to be like her self, talking about how girls dont need to have a boyfriend all the time.  she said she thinks about it this way: while your single, God is preparing your heart for a great love in your future and helping you focus on becoming a strong christian woman....and then the heavens opened up and the angels sang a beautiful chorus. it finally hit home for real that i no matter how badly i want to be loved and have a strong christain steady relationship...i dont need one to be happy or to be fulfilled. i still want that "lovin feelin" but i know now that while i'm alone, my heart is being prepared for a greater love than i can imagine and that im just not ready for yet....God truly has an amazingly spectacular plan for each of us and we need to try our best (me especially) to be patient and wait for our time to shine...its comming at the perfect moment, even if you dont realize it yet

left out in the cold...

i seriously do not understand what the hell is wrong with me. i'm getting to a point where my self esteem is close, or borderline, zero and i have almost completely given up on any hope of a guy...any guy...ever...i mean i've had one serious boyfriend in 2 years, and one other who i wanted to be serious, but never worked out...in two years i've had 2 boyfriends...thats pathetic...considering the fact that one was an ass and the other only lasted a month or two...and it seems everytime i brake up with someone..in like a month they find some new girl and fall instantly in love again...what the hell is that all about? they tell you they love you and they've "never felt this way about anyone..ever" and a few months later POOF! they've found love again all too easily...i hate it so much..i feel as if i've failed, like theres something physically or emotionally wrong with me...like i'm not good enough for anyone to like. it f*cking sucks and i'm tired of it. i mean if anyone ever does like me, its someone i dont have feelings for, or if i like someone...they arent interested...which happens all to freaking often..i mean what IS wrong with me..it has to be something if no one will date me....its ridiculous...you go out on a limb and tell people how you feel and you get nothing back...i'm tired of buying that "you dont need a guy to make you feel beautiful" shit...i know i dont, but i WANT it ok? is that such a crime? no, its really not...and i'm the only one who doesnt get the luxury of having the opportunity to have it...damnit...this sucks...i am in need of a change, or at least the knowledge that i can feel confidant again...i at least need that much

the greatly anticipated unexpected surprise...

Well...it was a pretty C-R-AZY time yesterday, let me tell you...getting beautified was a long, grueling process in which words were said, clothes were taken off, and scandal ensued....no details..it could cause national uprisings..on to the main event

so yeah we got there at 9-ish...and it was packed..bodies every place..so we jump right in and get it on...wow it was quite a show if you ask me, and very exhilerating too...a bit risque...but fun nontheless...i would have to say the offical "get your groove on dance awards" go to amy m, melissa and me...we definitely got that ball rolling if you know what i mean...haha, aww ter you and jer..(haha cute) were awesome! i was proud of him...and ashley gets the "lets bust out the dance moves from the 50s" award for the lawn mower, the fishing pole and the sprinkler--lovely...

kristina got a lovely suprise when she got a dance partner at the end, very nice it made my night... : )  amy--nice "butt dancing" haha that was enjoyable...wow we need to do that again soon------minus the weird teachers watching the whole time

more to come, i love you all--i'll post pictures when i get them developed..until next time...plan "x"