what the hell can i do for you? i cant even ask you a damn question without attitude and defensive bullshit from you. all i have to do is speak in your general direction and you go f*ing balistic. why?! the in the HELL did i ever do to you besides get myself dumb self born? sorry about that by the way--maybe i'f i'm nice i can get mom to let me crawl back inside her for a while....yeah. ok. i mean seriously...all you do is sit on your lazy ass all day long...you rot in your room and never come out unless your going to get junk food or you have to pee or god forbid one of your 8 million guy "friends" calls....oh yeah..then theres that damn annoyance next door...dont you just wish she'd die? would that finally make you happy? if i wasnt around? because if its true you're lucky--i'm moving my ass out of here in a few months. you are one of my top reasons. i cant live with you. you drive me out of my freaking mind...i'd die if i was you. i honestly want to leave this stupid town so that i might be able to find some peace away from you.
the only thing i want before i go is for you to tell me to my face what the hell you find so absolutely revolting and blood-curdling about me. really--i want to know why i'm such an awful person...when i stand up for you when people talk shit about you whether i want to or not--quite frankly...you dont always deserve it. when i hear you say rude things, horrendous things under your breath about people in the room...when you go freaking insane and scream as if you're being chopped up into little pieces over the smallest little thing you cant let go and turn into world war III....when you bitch me out for asking you a question 4 times becuase you either purposely ignore me or are just so used to pretending i'm not there you honestly dont realize i exist..i think its the previous for the record...when you make me cry. you make me cry all the time. you hurt me everyday and it doesnt even PHASE you. you dont even care. you probably dont even know. no--i take that back, i think you're a competent person...saying you "dont realize it" is a cheapy copout that you dont deserve. you make me feel like the shit stuck to the bottom of the trash can. you make me feel like i dont deserve air in my lungs. you. make. me. want. to. die. do you even realize how what you do and what you say affects me? do you even give a shit? DO YOU?!?! you dont...you dont pay attention. you're so wrapped up in your own miserable life that you dont even realize that while you kick and scream and tell everyone in the house you hate them when you're really mad at some stupid guy that i shake with sobs because you terrify me. you terrify me when you do that. do you understand? ever since i can remember you've been doing that...since i was three...i never knew what was wrong with you...i used to think you were going to get put up for adoption because you were so crazy or that mom and dad would get a freaking divorce over you. i was a child...not even 5 years old when i started thinking that. it scared the living hell out of me....everytime to this day and until the day i die that will always terrify me. i will always break down completely and sob for an hour over you for no reason other than i think you will physically harm yourself becuase you either dont know how else to handle your pain or you are in such a crazed rage you arent thinking properly. do you even realize how much you're stupid tantrums about asshole jerks affects the rest of the house? do you even care? some guy acting like a jerk and pissing you off doesnt just hurt you babe....it hurts all of us--number one because i hate when you get upset and always will, and number two because you freak out so bad that no one can function normally until you calm down.
and i cant even ask you a simple favor without you crawling all over me and giving me attitude out your ass. i cant say to you, "will you come help me do this?" because you "wont hear" me, i'll repeat myself, you'll freak out because i've stood in your presence for more than 10 seconds and it annoys you, you'll call me a bitch for getting angry that you treat me like shit, i'll cry because i think you hate me and wish i was dead, and then you go on as if nothing happened...just fine. you are not affected. i on the other hand am be "counselled" yep--i'd say thats a fair trade...wouldnt you?
you have no idea how much the way you live affects everyone around you. i pray you realize it before it causes anyone--including yourself--any serious damage.
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