relief should not have second thoughts

so i already wrote an entire journal on how love is stupid and how i've been hurt really bad, and then it got deleted like every single great journal i've ever written. i HATE it, but oh well, i think i needed to get that all out mostly for me, which is why i do this, but i guess God wanted it to stay under wraps. anyways...i totally forgot where i was even going with this.....this is random stuff i wroet throughout the year--i figured i'd bust it out and see if i get a reaction....

 

the rumbling fierce clouds

rage along with angry wind

causing fear among us

 

i am screaming inside, through the silence

Can you not hear me? Am i not all there?

i feel jaded, living with this violence

i am all alone, the wind blowing bare

my mind has been flooded with thoughts of you

 

All i want is for you to hear me. can i ever come out of this haze? i scream from inside but even in this full room, you, nor anyone can hear me. all i want is for someone to know i', here, i'm not gone yet. oh yes, i'm free! set loose like a lark from a cage. you can sense, hear, feel me.  all i've ever wanted has now come to pass. this is so beautiful, the like thriving around me and....no, this cant be happening, no! i'm here...hello?  oh no, i've slipped back into my abyss of dark and lonliness. oh, how i wish you could understand what i'm thinking and that i love you

 

the storm outside rages, but the utter silence around me is deafening. i feel nothing, need nothing, am free. the whispers of the whipping wind suddenly cut through my quiet. i realize with a bang that you're still here; youhavent left me. even though i cant see you, i feel you around me. with this epiphany comes new hope. i can be all i once was, i dont have to change. i am filled with a new peace i can almost hear the chorus. then i realize the storm outside rages, but the utter silence around me is deafening

 

the music fades softer as memories flow deep

these images of you get stronger,

I had hid them away to keep

music fades softer

when i dream about the past

felt like it was powerful

but i knew it wouldnt last

music fades softer

as i sink back on this tree

i love ocnjuring these memories

but i wish i could have seen...