ok. so it's been a ridiculously long time. i'm ever so sorry. with tour and my wrist i've been busy. i'll be free in four days. four days. cast free...permanently. ahhhhhhh. my car calls to me everyday. she needs me. and i need her. dear God in heaven i need to get away, to be on the road and free and able to go anywhere. i miss that freedom. i also miss the freedom to choose whcih hand i use whilst occupying the bathroom--but thats another story.
i want to say this: i know that in the last monhts i have hurt a few people. i hate that. i ruined friendships i may never be able to fix. not for lack of trying--just lack of willingness to put the past where it needs to stay: in the past. this counts for everyone. i have never been more lost, confused, alone, scared, tired, and "over it" in the last almost 9 months that i didnt know what to do with myself. but i'm ok now. I'm happier. not perfect, but happier. i dont cry anymore. not the way i did. i dont hate myself the way i used to. i'm not angry anymore. and i also understand why you left--even though it hurt--i see now why you did, and it's ok. you loved me, and you didn't want to let me down. and you never did. but you're back. you're here. and everything is out in the open. and i can breathe again. breathe so deeply--the air fills me up until i could float away.
we've said what we need to say. thanked the other for eveything. as best we could, anyhow. and there's just this weight that's been sucked up. it;s gone--and we just have room to be. to love and to be. and i love you. i'm also afriad. afriad this is too good to be true, like i'll wake up and realize it was another dream. another dream where you wanted me back--where you said you would never leave. and i always DID wake up, wake up to the reality that you weren't ever comming back. but then you did. and now i wonder if those dreams weren't to haunt me...what if they were to show me. what if i dreamed that dream so many times for a reason? like they were to give me hope to hold on a little longer, to wait just a few more months. i dont know...all i know is you're here---------> and that's all i ever wanted.
You'll never know
What you've done for me
What your faith in me
Has done for my soul...
You'll never know
The gift you've given me..
I'll carry it with me
Everywhere I go
I think of where I've been
And of the one who knew me better
Than anyone ever will again
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