here we go again. ten weeks of bliss served up by your friendly neighborhood SCAD. riiighht.

so just looking at my syllabi for this quarter made me almost collapse into tears. the amount of work this damn school requires is absolutely ridiculous. although i could never actually attend a regular university--i'd probably have no friends nor any desire to wake up in the morning--i would love to have just the obligatory, "yeah i have a test and a paper to write this week." not the, "yeah, i have 3 facial studies to draw, then complete in oil, an in-class figure painting, make 3 models of objects and analyze and sketch out the elements and principles of design of each object on 6 different presentation boards whilst i master the fine art, no pun, of analyzing and understanding the exact purpose of Dadaism and why the hell stupid duchamp called an upturned urinal a flippin masterpiece. by the way, welcome kristina, welcome to your FIRST FREAKING WEEK of class."

oh the joys of the artistic realm. sometimes i wonder if i am truly masochistic or if its all just very ironic.

you looked nice yesterday, all except for the ugliest facial expression i have ever seen. but no surprise, i see it all the time. its for me, so i guess i should be used to it. but you look nice otherwise. i wonder if you even know why you're angry anymore. or if its just the comfort of having an outlet, the force of habit you've accustomed yourself to...since its pretty unfairly placed, or better yet, disproportional...maybe misplaced? all i know is its skewed. i just am not sure i see the distinction between the two. i guess i'm more fun. i'll turn it into a compliment. i just dont see why anyone would want to be so angry or hateful. seems like life would be nicer if you didnt have this thing in your life...the obligation of being unkind. i guess that just isnt how i am. and frankly, i'm too afraid to talk to you about it because you might seriously injure me. or try.

i have so much to do in the next few weeks. not even just with school. i have to be home so often i'm really afraid i wont be able to get my work done. but those are things i cant just opy out of. i dont necessarily want to opt out either, but it would be nice if i had a smaller number of things to worry about ontop of this fun new schedule i have going. and i'm afraid i will not be seeing much of you either, which i am not happy about. at all. i guess i need to take it one day at a time, but i think we all know thats pretty impossible for me. i need serious help. so hey God, help me not be a spaz. thankkksssss.