il bel far niente

i need to learn to do this, to enjoy my last week or so alone in the quiet and relaxing.

but all i want at this moment is to see your face and feel your arms as they hug me. because it has been far too long since i have felt them. and i need them now more than i ever have.

i don't like the creeping melancholy that looms. it twists its curling, heavy braids around me--i feel foggy and slow. and wet, deep under my skin, as if the water is collecting, just waiting to seep out.