you vs. the world

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

sorry. the world is not out to get you--contrary to popular opinion. no one is trying to "bring you down" i wasnt trying to make you look stupid or bad. nope--believe it or not....its not all about you. your insecurity is your worst enemy and i'm sorry it controls you the way it seems to.  anyone saying what you were yesterday would have gotten the exact same response from me. sorry--thats just how it is. i'm not just going to sit back and not say what i'm thinking to avoid making you feel bad. its not like i was trying to in the first place. so...dont blame your own bad self image on me...i had nothing to do with it. espeically since we arent even aquaintances...i mean how could i make your life so miserable? oh yeah..i forgot, i'm that bitch who's trying to ruin your life. how silly of me to have forgotten my duites. whatever dude.

on a lighter note...life has been quite lovely. everything i care about is going well and i dont have any complaints beyond the obvious.  i've discovered how to make myself happy and what brings me joy, and thats all i focus on.  i think thats the most important thing right now. avoiding what i dont want to be around...so i do. music has introduced itself to me--we're becomming best friends. it seems the perfect song to describe how i feel comes on right when i need to hear it. painting is also awesome--i'm obsessed.  all i could think about saturday night while tyring to sleep was paint...mixing colors, bursh strokes--the smell. it's a beautiful thing.

i have everything i love. the things i dont have are the ones i sometimes want...but i'm starting to realize why i dont have them. it wont make me happy, and seeing that what i once wanted is something i cant have--i'm glad. i know now that it wont make me happy. isnt God's plan beautiful?