Ahhhh, SORHeads. Never miss an opportunity to attend. it was fabulous. WHo knew skimboarders were A.) so prevalent. and B.) so gorgeous. : ) Never seen a rear that beautiful in my life. Probably never will again. wheeew. thanks to everyone: b-rye, min-dawg, nat-dizz, mel, chadwick, danny boy, and barbarian, for making it an amazing trip. i adore you. (chad: i'll be sure to photoshop you out sooner or later. lol)
happiness. it's strange. it's new. this alive feeling i have. you've given me this fun, alive feeling. you put a smile on my face, and a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart. We belong--it just feels right. yes, there are some obstacles, and i was afraid. they almost kept me from giving this gift to myself. i dont want anyone to get hurt, although i know they will....but i'm doing this for me. not them. for myself. to give myself a piece of happiness i've been depriving myself of for too long. it absolutely kills me that in the process i'll hurt another person, but at the same time, i deserve happiness. right now, here in this moment, this is my time to shine. and i deserve it. i care about you so much, and i cant wait to spend this time with you. you've always been there for me--no matter what was happening or what you were going through, you always listened. you always cared. and i cant ever explain how much your friendship, and now your affections, mean to me. you taught me to take my own advice--i needed that. thanks for making me shine again.
-------> and to another "you": i hope you know none of this is intentional, that i'm not doing this to cause anyone pain, and that although i know it kills you--i need this. i love you so dearly, the last thing i want is to give you grief, but, this is right. saying you'll understand later doesnt help you and i know that--but it's true. i just hope i dont cause you to lose faith in me, or to lose the trust you have for me. i truly love and care about you, but i need this and i'm tired of living my life for others instead of myself. for once--painful as it will be for you, and in turn me--i'm doing this for myself. i hope one day you'll be able to understand, and to forgive me. i want to see your smile again, and i want you to be as happy as i know i'm making myself.
.:as painful and scary as it is, live this life for you. you dont want to look back one day and realize you've missed all the dreams you've held onto for so long:.
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