ready for a retreat. oh look...there's one next weekend. nice.

argghhh.

sweet. out of my-drumroll-........4 friends at school, one isnt speaking to me. awesome. one isnt talking to anyone. one i havent talked to since before break.

no boyfriend to call and talk to. best friend is miles and miles away.

i feel so. alone.

and i felt alone before. and now its just worse. i'm sick of hving to be the momma duck and take care of everyone and listen to everyone's problems and feel guilty that i can only love someone who cant love me, and not the person who could give me what i want. i cant make myself love you. and its all building up and i'm just tired and i want to be selfish and have someone listen to me.

besides feeling alone i'm happy with the rest of my life. but the one thing that's bothering me is pretty significant. so. yeah. i guess i'll go back to doing math homework alone on a saturday night. peace.