when will it be ok

i cant even stay at church for more than 10 m inutes. i am absolutely pitiful. completely pathetic. i cant be around you. period. i cant handle it. i cant handle knowing you might be able to say how you feel to other people--but you wont fucking tell me. you cant talk to me. after a year. i wasted a whole year. and you cant even talk to me. and i cant be near you without breaking down. we are the two most ridiculous people on the planet. i hate that i cant get over this. i hate that i cant make myself be happy. i hate that you do this to me. and i hate myself for ever believing i could make it work.   and i really HATE that i cant freaking save this damn thing o my own computer too.