avant-garde

i dont want to go to class. i hate class. 

I. HATE. THIS. CLASS.

which makes me wonder if i'm wasting my time when the two courses for interior design i've taken have made me dread waking up. i've never loved school, ever. it isnt like i get thrilled to go to class, but i do enjoy most of them, and at least i dont want to skip every single day. but these just suck. i think they're just so focused on DESIGN, on structure of buildings, on construction and form, and BLAH, and i just dont care. i dont care at all. i just want to decorate. make the room look good. i just feel like this is all so....unnecessary. an entire class devoted to lighting? seriously? i dont yet know if its a 2 or 5 hour one, but if its 5....HA. i am going to jump out a window. i'm sure once i get past the required, YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS BUT YOU'LL NEVER USE IT AGAIN crap....once i get to the real interior stuff hopefully it will get better. and i'll actually want to go to class. or at least i won't want to sleep in everyday.



i feel like an asshole because when i get so damn angry and people try to console me or make me feel better or god forbid touch me, i want them to go away and slap their hands away. i hate it. i just want to be angry. which isnt healthy i guess but when i'm that frustrated i need to let it out in my own way. and people coddling me like a baby just makes it worse. and its obvious i want them to get the heck away from me and i hurt peoples feelings. then i feel bad. what. the. heeeellllllelelleee.

i'm also pissed this stupid title is always BLUE and it should be yellow.

i'm stressed before i even get up in the morning, i feel it in my sleep. i even dream in stress.