it wasnt supposed to end this way. this was supposed to be MY day. every other day of the damned week was horrible and today was my shining chance at redemption--well isnt that a nice notion....happiness....i havent been happy for longer than 5 minutes all week.
WHY!?! why the hell out of everyone in the world is this happening to ME. i'm not perfect, but i'm a GOOD person, i know i am. i dont do drugs, i dont drink, i dont cheat in school, i dont bother anyone, most of the time i dont even talk unless i'm with my friends bc i have a book to occupy me. so why the hell is my life crumbling beneath me? why.
i needed you today, and you werent there. i needed someone, anyone, and when i finally got through and you called me back when i was crying to hard i could barely see where i was driving...you werent there. you had prior engagements. i wasnt important enough. i needed you. you left me out in the cold. i hope you know what the hell that feels like, it SUCKS ASS. thats how it feels. i have always been there for you and i got cast aside. i loved and still love you so its ok, but i want you to know you hurt me. i forgive you and its ok, but i'm hurt by you. i never thought this would happen.
i swear...if tomorrow isnt a good day i know for a fact i wont make it through another week. i cant. i've had enough. God, please dont give me anything else...i'm at my max. i've cried more in this stupid past three weeks than i have in the last six months, and considering whats happened in the last six months...thats a staggering figure. i cant wait--there are 7 weeks left of this stupid, freaking year. seven weeks, and i can start over. i can have a whole new year, and hopefully a better one. i need you God...i feel like theres no one left for me to go to...mommy and dad are it...and they cant do this for me. i need something else, and i need it fast.
i'm spent, physically exhausted in every sense of the word, spiritually drained, emotionally dead.
--I wanted you to know, I love the way you laugh, i want to hold you high and steal your pain away. i keep your photograph, and i know it serves me well, i want to hold you high and stealk your pain. Because i'm broken when i'm open and i dont feel like i am strong enough, because i'm broken when i'm lonesome and i dont feel right when You've gone away....You've gone away, you dont hear me...anymore.--
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