a reprieve from all she wondered and had never known

the break went by too fast, but considering that tomorrow is wednesday is promising, it means this week is flying by as well. we all know what that means...closer to midterms which is closer to break. and on the 13th a special surprise no one knows about. it will be good. for me. it will be good.

so i've been working on handmade christmas cards for a few days now, i decided i really really enjoy making them. it takes quite a while but its fun just making something beautiful and even better knowing that its going to make someone else happy. doing things for other people lights me up inside and i love it. i'm the helper, the giver, the consoler...compassionate and loving. man it sounds like i'm full of myself but i'm not.

its all about other people. if someome is hurt i want to heal. if someone is sad i want to cheer them up. if someone needs a friend i'll be there no matter what happens, and if i cant physically be there even though i'll try, i will be available. helping other people is important to me, and if anyone...anyone at all comes to me, or i see someone who needs me, i will be there no matter, what in the blink of an eye, you bet your life on it.

maybe its because i hope on the days i need someone else, they can be there too.

and you have been there. not just one, but you, all of you have been there. and you'll know who you are. you have made me cry...made me realize this isnt all me, made me see that i can choose to be happy and i can choose to live how i want to. i can be with whom i want, and i can be joyful for things i sometimes forget i have. you have shown me that i'm never alone and i never need to feel that way. i always have someone, God, or you always with me. that nothing is ever all my fault, everything cant possibly be all my fault all the time because i'm quite frankly, "not all that" making me laugh through my tears to realize that even though my life is hard right now, it wont be so hard later. letting me help you, talk to you, BE with you when i needed to. loving me because you want to. i love each and every single one of you for all that you've done for me and all the things you allow me to give back.

no matter how dark and deep down in the hole i feel...i know i am blessed with the best group of angels God ever made. know that you are that for me.