I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then, and just let 'em out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though goin' on with you gone, still upsets me
There are days every now and again
I pretend I'm okay but that's now what gets me
What hurts the most, was bein' so close
And havin' so much to say
And [watchin' you walk away]
And never knowin' what could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you
Everywhere I go, but I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile
When I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder getting up, getting dressed
Livin' with this regret, but I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved
In my heart, that I left unspoken
--what hurts the most:rascal flatts
it's happening more and more. and while it lasts its amazing. and you see me, and you want me, and suddenly everything is ok again...and then i wake up. and i die a little more inside. and i cant make the dreams stop. i have them all the time now. and i cant make them go away...and thats all i want. i want them to go away so i dont hurt this way anymore. i'm so sick of hurting. i cant escape these thoughts swimming in my head. i cant push you from my mind, because even when i do something is said, i see something, hear a song------> and you're right back in my mind and i cant get rid of you. i'd give anything to get rid of you, this ghost of a memory that haunts me. to be rid of the dull ache of you. i would give anything to not love you this way.
and thats just it. i cant do anything about it. i do all this stuff to get my emotions out so i dont bottle them up, i distract myself with everything imaginable, i try to move on....and there's this wind that blows me backward at every advance. i cant win. no, i'm sorry to say that this isnt because i dont want to move on. that just isnt true and it hurts me when you say that. i think its actually pretty damn obvious i want to be able to move on....my problem is i have no closure. there is this vacuum of space between us that i cant close because i have nothing to fill it with. no reasons, no explanations, no goodbyes....you just left one day and thats all there was to it. i dont know what i'm supposed to do. i dont. i'd give anything to make this better but i cant. i've done everything, short of dating another guy. that wont make it better either, because it would be fair to whoever i was with. i dont have anything to give anymore. even if i found someone i wanted to be with, i'm so afraid that i dont know if i'd be able to let them in. i've never loved someone and been left unscathed. i cant just open up my heart the way i did for you again. i couldnt survive this ache twice. i'm not that strong a person.
i just wish i knew what to do, how to take a deep breath, dry my tears, and move on.
No comments:
Post a Comment