thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been tryin' my best to get along
But that's OK
There's nothing left to say, but
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don't need'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been
--you'll think of me:keith urban
this is one of the only country songs i like. i like it because the first time i actually heard it--by this i mean heard what was being said and what was being expressed--you were singing it under your breath while i was alseep. you were holding my hand. i heard your voice--it woke me up. [slighlty methaphorical, although true] and i opened m eyes, and you were already looking at me, smiling, and just kept singing. i closed my eyes again and you squeezed my hand. that always made me smile. it always will. even when you're singing to be silly i love to listen. i'll always love it, your voice. no matter what you're singing it makes me smile. always.
.i shouldnt be this way. i shouldnt feel the way i do now. too much time has passed--i should be ok. i shouldnt miss what i know i'll never get back. it's been too long. but still i sit here, lay there, cry in this place or that. sometimes i feel like it would be so much easier to forget you. if i couldnt remember you then i wouldnt miss you, and if i didnt miss you i wouldnt be as sad. i could heal--i could move on with my life. i want to leave this place to forget, to runaway from your ghost. its the only way i can see now to move on from this place. i'm so scared you'll forget me when i'm gone. that when i leave my memory will fade into dust; it will just float on the wind. but i know two things. i know i cant ever forget. i know that. you'll be with me even when i want to cut you out of me. i also know in some smaller way that you still care about me. most definitely not the way i still secretly hope--but i know i'm not dead to you. you wouldnt tell me the things i've missed out on, wouldnt make the effort to say goodbye to me, wouldnt make sure i was ok if you didnt. thats the only thing that makes this liveable. there are still glances when we think no one's watching...those glances mean a lot to me. i wish i could tell you all this, i know this is all something you'll never see which is the only reason i write it down, but i know even if i could tell you it wouldnt mean anything. it would make you feel awkward or guilty which i dont want. it would create tension i dont need. i just pray that without my ability to let you know what you mean--i pray you know already. i dont want you to go on and not realize that you meant the world to someone. it would be a tragedy.
moving on, i'm glad we got a chance to talk last night. i really missed it. we always have good conversations, and you always seem to find some way to make me feel so much better without trying and probably realizing that you do. you genuinely care about my well-being. you're interested in what i have to say, you listen to me. you hear me. you're one of the only people i feel understands what i'm going through or what i feel sometimes. it just means a lot to me to have you around to talk to, to be there, to go above and beyond everyday. that makes you amazing.
.:surrender, surrender You whispered gently to me--i know, but cant you see? my dreams are me:.
--barlow girl
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