why me God?

for the record, sad is only one of the moods i'm in, i couldnt put angry, confused, frusterated, hurt, in pain, lost, alone, and totally depressed.

for the record, it has officially been confirmed by 3 people, i have names, that i am hated. people think i am a BITCH and everyone hates me. thats the word on the street. jesus christ, i am so lost an i.......cant even describe how i feel, no one would understand. to hear EVERYDAY

 the from someone who is supposed to love you, that they and everyone they know hates you...that absolutely kills me, because even though i know i am a bitch to you sometimes, i still will always love you and i never stopped, i just dont undertsnad what i did wrong to make you despise me so much. i cant figure it out. everyone has struggles and fights, but i never thought you hated me. well i lied, i did know you hated me which is the saddest most heart-wrenching thing of all...i'm sorry i let you down. why god? why do people hate me? i dont try or mean to be the type of person you could hate, i dont want people to hate me. what i want is to have a day where i dont starin my voice from screaming into the emptyness of my world, to have someone who acres hear me, and tell me they love me. i want to come home and not cry for hours looking at myself wondering what i did wrong and why all of a sudden i'm "the bitch everyone hates". i'm sorry god, i love you and i never meant to be so awful to have people feel this way about me, it literally stills my heart, but in the worst imagineable way ever. it stills me in a way that almost makes me want to "be still" forever, i would never want to leave this world before i was supposed to, but i mean why stay? i know things will get better, i just need to remind myself that even if he is the only one, god loves me, and that can get me through anything i face.