under the glowing sun

I feel so beautiful, i dont know what it is, but the last few days--i've glowed. i feel radiant, as if strands of the golden sunlight are emmitting from my every feature...making me sparkle, glitter. i guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder...and my eye is seeing loveliness reflecting all around--a refreshing change.

i know i've been back and forth on this love situation. i either let it kill me or i "dont care". in all reality, i always care, and when i say oh whatever its no big deal--usually i'm lying to myself...its normal, who doesnt want to feel loved? but i realized something--i have SO MUCH MORE to live for than a guy. i mean i am beautiful and i know it..most days..i'm funny, kind, honest, i have high morals...i mean there are so many positive things about me and things in my life that are fine without a guy screwing it up. i just need to concentrate on whats going on NOW rather than what could have been.  i have been set apart for a special purpose, i am unique, my friends and i are similar but they dont all share or even practice the same morals i profess...we all make mistakes, but i intend on not giving in to temptation of any sort when ever physically possible. it isnt worth it to me to get wasted or drunk for a few hours, or to do something physically appealing with a guy to feel good about myself, because in the end, you always get that hangover, or you always get that emotional regret...i mean it feels good while it lasts, but othing lasts forever, and i'd rather wait for the perfect time and people to do those things....and age!  if all my choices mean that i'll be ostracized, then i guess i'm going to have to square with that...i would rather have confidence in myself and in my choices than to go with the flow and crowd....if i have to be "the good girl who never gets in trouble" so be it. i'm tired of the regret that comes with some desicions i've made...and there definitely has been serious regret in every wrong desicion i have made so far--and will be here on out. i am so blessed to be set apart, and i know now that i can enjoy it in the long run, because i will be safer and happier later on.