i have become weirdly obsessed with john mayer's room for squares in the last week. like--its the only thing i've listened to, and i know most of the words to the majroity of the songs. i just adore it. i never listened to it until wednedsay or thursday but now i cant keep the cd player off. mmmm
[merry christmas--not happy holidays]
christmas was actually significantly better than i had expected--mostly because i didnt know what to ask for, so basically i didnt ask for anything. i got some nice things though--and everyone really liked their picture frames. that made me happy--i wish i could have tkane pictures of everyone's reactions; ya'll are too cute. but, i got an iPod nano--it is the most amazing man-made electronic device known to the outside world. i'm obsessed with it....i adore it passionately. i also got a digital camera--i've been eyeing them for a while and its nice to know i'll never have to buy a disposable camera again...i'll just have to think up another reason to go to winn dixie ;)
i heard from you today...that made my whole day. considering its been weeks since you've said anything to me of your own volition this wasa sizemic (sp?) event. i just wish you'd take some initiative--its so hard to be mysterious and play hard to get when no one's trying to figure you out.
so, according to a friend of mine, two misguided guys "not realizing what they had/are missing" does not equate me repulsing males. i guess thats comforting? all except for i cant find one that shares my interests. i hate being alone--which to most people may sound strange because i could be by myself for hours and not care...but not having that companionship, that person you know, or in my case mostly think, will always be there for you--that person who cant wait to talk to you just to see what you'll say...the guy who thinks i'm just God greatest gift...i miss that. not that i ever had it in those extreme terms but--you get my general message i assume. i dont want a guy to be obsessed with me and follow me around like a lost puppy...but i want someone strong who can tak care of me when and if i need him to, someone who always wants to open all my doors, who i can talk to for hours and not even realize how much time has passed, who can be with me and have it feel like the most natural thing there is...i'm so ready for a real, lasting, meaningful and loving relationship. i thinki have been for a long time, but i dont think i can ever find someone whos ready for me. why should i pay the price just because no one can handle me? i'm young and i know this--but i have so much love and honesty, and caring inside of me that i just ache to share with someone who wants it. i want my someone who will love me forever...why cant he just come sweep me off my red-tipped toes and make me happy forever, and allow me to make him blissful? i can do it, i'm going to make an amazing wife which ihave always known. mother? i wonder sometimes and i'm thankful i have no interest in it as of now...i just want to share all of myself with someone who will understand and accept me naked--bare, with everything out in the open, no secrets, no regrets, nothing to cover up the things i may not see in myself as beautiful--but he'll see them. he'll see my imperfections and gaze right over them because there's enough good inside of me to make those imperfections fade into nothingness. lord--i'll have to date someone like 5 years older than i am if i want to find a guy whos mature enough to handle me and all that i am and will become. all i want is you
.:you should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes, it brought me back to life. you'll be with me next time i go outside:.
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