i spent a whole day being sad over you, not a fair trade for the 30 seconds you spent on me

i used to stand so tall, i used to be so strong.

now i cant breathe, no i cant sleep--i'm barely   h a n g i n g   on

here i am, once again. i'm torn into pieces

cant deny it, cant pretend....broken up deep inside

you wont get to see the tears i've cried behind these hazel eyes.

i told you everything, i [opened] up--let you in

you made me feel alright for once in my life

now all thats left of me

is what i pretend to be--so

 together but so broken up inside.

[kelly clarkson]

i cant believe how blind i am. i mean honestly...how naive could i be? apparently its bad though--i thought you might care for once. nope. no such luck. you just want me around when you feel like, want me to come to you, want me to make all the effort, want to sit back and enjoy my company when it doesnt require you to lift a finger. what kind of self-absorbed bullshit is that? when boys and girls hang out, the boy picks up the girl. he opens all her doors, even car doors, he pays...its just how the game is played. he calls her. are we noticing a pattern here? mr. chivalrous is supposed to be doing the heavy lifitng. and you know what? i'm sure if he was doing his job right most girls would be more than happy to tak up some of the slack after a while. but you have to prove you're worth it. you have to make an effort. there has been no effort. there has been opened doors and paid for meals and thats wonderful but there is so much more to things than that. that doesnt cut it. it never will. i'm sorry ifi made you believe thats how things should be. it isnt. i just wish i would stop picking guys that dont give a shit about me. it ghets old fast when its proven to you over and over that you dont matter enough. a lovely tingly feeling...like needles.

i'd say i was going to go lesbian to avoid the stupidity of guys but that is just so....wow. sorry ladies...you just dont get me the way those beastly biceps do.

its alwas the girls or people in general who are IN relationships who love to give single people advice. "oh, being single is so wonderful, you can have so much freedom and learn a lot about yourself and blah blah blah..." yeah...WHATEVER. you can blow that smoke up your own ass because i'm not listening to it anymore. you have what everyone else wants, you have no idea how much it hurts. you're not in a position to tell me how to be happy and that i dont need a guy--because he's obviously doing his job with you honey. thats like me telling a mechanic how to jump start a car. its ridiculous.

.:all i feel is the rising of heat in my throat, the burn of tears in my eyes, and the empty promises you love to throw away:.