2.2.04
left out in the cold...
i seriously do not understand what the hell is wrong with me. i'm getting to a point where my self esteem is close, or borderline, zero and i have almost completely given up on any hope of a guy...any guy...ever...i mean i've had one serious boyfriend in 2 years, and one other who i wanted to be serious, but never worked out...in two years i've had 2 boyfriends...thats pathetic...considering the fact that one was an ass and the other only lasted a month or two...and it seems everytime i brake up with someone..in like a month they find some new girl and fall instantly in love again...what the hell is that all about? they tell you they love you and they've "never felt this way about anyone..ever" and a few months later POOF! they've found love again all too easily...i hate it so much..i feel as if i've failed, like theres something physically or emotionally wrong with me...like i'm not good enough for anyone to like. it f*cking sucks and i'm tired of it. i mean if anyone ever does like me, its someone i dont have feelings for, or if i like someone...they arent interested...which happens all to freaking often..i mean what IS wrong with me..it has to be something if no one will date me....its ridiculous...you go out on a limb and tell people how you feel and you get nothing back...i'm tired of buying that "you dont need a guy to make you feel beautiful" shit...i know i dont, but i WANT it ok? is that such a crime? no, its really not...and i'm the only one who doesnt get the luxury of having the opportunity to have it...damnit...this sucks...i am in need of a change, or at least the knowledge that i can feel confidant again...i at least need that much
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part 2
i turn a lot of my time to focus on youth with helping with choir and youth and just other things...well mainly that...
i know you have heard this before but God will send you the right person some day and if he does not he has something that is going to take up a lot of your time...God wants you to be happy...
remember that you are great person...you do not need a bf to have to know this...
hope this helps...
shoup
i know how you feel...last time i had a girlfriend was middle school...that is over 5 years ago now...i also wish i had someone on the big holidays who would be there(christmas, valitines, my birthday new years)...sence i broke up with that girl i have had only one date...and that was to prom...
i have come to the conclusion that if God has someone for me He will send her to me at the right time in my life...and if i am called to the single lifestyle well i am called to that...
i had to break up my response into 2 parts becuase i typed to much
DO NOT START with the one that has "hope this helps shoup"
Part 1 :i know how you feel. ive been there. and i still am there. most people dont know it, but i have never had a boyfreind. but like shoupy said, i know God will send the right person at the right time and u just havta wait for them. its hard. i struggle with it all the time. some days more than others. but i know that someday that person will come.your past expereinces with guys has taught u what u want in a relationship, what works and what doesnt.
Part 2:when u do find that special soemone, you will know it.i know it doesnt help very much to hear it, but you really are beautiful. both physically and spiritually. you are a very special person and i am so blessed to have you as a freind. Love always, Jen :)
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